Who will make our Eagles picks this week?

jonathan_g_meath_portrays_santa_claus

Ho ho ho! The Eagles stink and it’s all your fault!

Hey! We actually got ALL of our Eagles picks right last week when we predicted the Eagles would not only lose to the Ravens, but would cover the spread as well. WE’RE ON A ROLL NOW, BUDDY BOY, JUST CALL ME COOL DR. MONEY CAUSE I’M MAKING STACKS UPON STACKS.

Oh, I’m sorry, our guest pickers are on fire (how long do I have to keep up this charade?)

Tonight the Eagles (5-9) will try not to make the bile rise in everyone’s throats throughout the Delaware Valley when they take on the NFC East rival NY Giants (10-4), with the
G-Men -2.5 point favorites.

But wait a second….what’s that I hear? Is that reindeer hooves up on the roof of the Coggin Toboggan offices, or just the thousands upon thousands of rats that call our facilities home?

I guess we’ll just have to wait and see who is making our picks this week….

Ho ho ho ho! MERRRRRRRY CHRISTMAS! Jolly Old St. Nick here, coming at you LIVE from the North Pole as we’re busy getting ready for the holiday season. Wait a minute, Trump is president now, so I’m officially calling it the CHRISTMAS season and there’s nothing any of you libs can do about it.

I must say, I do love coming to Philadelphia on Christmas Eve. Nothing better than seeing the depressed look on everyone’s faces as I fly through the sky, spirits crushed by another horrendous Eagles season. Tis the season for another sub-.500 year, am I right gang?

Maybe this year Nelson Agholor will find a better pair of pass catching hands under his Christmas tree if he’s not on the naughty list. Oh wait, let me ask the strippers down at Cheerleaders if he should be on the naughty list…yep, just what I thought, another lump of coal in Nelly’s stocking and more criminal charges for that loser.

Hmmm, let me look in my magic sack…nope, nope, well that’s a shame, there’s no common sense in here at all! I guess Bryan Colangelo will be disappointed again this Christmas morning. Sorry Bryan with a Y, but you can go fuck yourself.

But wait a second! I do see something useful in here….it’s a pamphlet on how to collect unemployment benefits! Here you go Marcus Smith, just for you, have a great Christmas.

What’s this? A pair of brand spanking new leg veins for an aortic bypass surgery? Why, these have Angelo Cataldi’s name written all over them! And here, a pamphlet on how to pull the plug on a loved one….that’s for his family after the botched surgery! Merry Christmas to you and that burden in the hospital bed!

And look at what we have here…hair plugs! A bevy of hair plugs destined to be jammed into Mike Missanelli’s lumpy skull! You’re not fooling anyone, cue ball, you’re a 75 year old man trying to look 35 again. Just age gracefully like the rest of your geriatric friends.

Oh yes, I was supposed to give a prediction….your city stinks and your team is even worse! Look for a win tonight to get all you mouth breathers hopes up for the inevitable crushing disappointment of next week’s loss to the Cowboys.

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night! Suck my balls!

Eagles 27, Giants 21.

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