Nick Foles after watching Sam Bradford, Carson Wentz: ‘I could do that’

pi-nfl-chiefs-nick-foles-082116-vadapt-664-high-54Kansas City – Second string Kansas City Chief quarterback Nick Foles, watching highlights of former Eagles quarterback Sam Bradford and current Eagles quarterback Carson Wentz, shook his head and muttered dejectedly to himself after another week of not getting off the sidelines.

After seeing the highlight of Wentz side-stepping a rusher, running along the line of scrimmage, and finding Darren Sproles for a 73-yard touchdown to seal a win against the Pittsburgh Steelers, Foles couldn’t help but find fault in the play.

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Who will make our Eagles picks this week?
Bobby Hoying

Last week’s picker, Bobby Hoying, went 2-0 in his predictions. Will this week’s guest picker keep the good times rolling?

Wow, what a start to the season so far. Our guest pickers are both 2-0 against the spread and win/loss predictions, and for the first time in ages my bookie hasn’t left threatening voicemails on my cell phone demanding I pay up what I owe him. I’M ON A BISCUIT TRAIN WITH GRAVY WHEELS, so let’s keep the good times rolling.

Last week, Bobby Hoying nailed his picks and didn’t disappoint in his column. Accurate prediction? Check. Casual racism? Check. High on cocaine? Double check. He’s a Philadelphia legend, that’s for sure.

Things get tougher this week with the Eagles (+3.5) hosting the Pittsburgh Steelers and their jailbird roster at 4:25 p.m. this Sunday.

Here’s our record so far:

Win/Loss prediction record: 2-0

Against the spread: 2-0

But who have we brought in to make the week 3 pick? Will they keep the good times rolling?

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Isn’t it time Penn State honors Joe Paterno again?
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A real Penn State hero.

It seems like, oh, less than a week since the last time Penn State honored former coach Joe Paterno for putting the university’s football program on the map and ignoring (and possibly hiding) a horrendous, decades long sexual assault scandal of hundreds of children by his assistant coach Jerry Sandusky.

Isn’t it about time Penn State honors Joe Pa again?

Come on! It gives the sycophants in the football program ANOTHER reason to trot out the old memories of their beloved coach, while it gives the rest of us, the sane people who don’t support a man who turned a blind eye to his assistant coach ruining the lives of hundreds of children and their families, a chance to again express our outrage that this man is still being held up as a pillar of the university and community.

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Deadbeat dad really going all out with upper deck Phillies tickets in September
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Not pictured: Two happy sons.

Philadelphia, PA – Fans at the Phillies, White Sox game Tuesday night confirmed that Thomas Wilkenstein, 46, deadbeat father to two sons Johnathan, 12, and Mike, 9, was really “going all out” for his boys by springing for three upper deck tickets for an out-of-division matchup in the final two weeks of a disappointing Phillies season.

Several attendees sitting near Wilkenstein and his clearly despondent boys noted that the deadbeat had bought them a bag of peanuts “to share” and his promises to buy them each a Phillies helmet sundae had gone unheeded and would likely end up unfulfilled.

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Anthony Gargano reportedly struggling to craft perfect love letter
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The lovelorn Gargano is struggling to wrangle his romantic thoughts to the page.

Philadelphia, PA – Gingerly rubbing the temples of his head with his sausage-like fingers, 97.5 the Fanatic Morning Show host Anthony Gargano reported Monday that he had not slept at all the night prior, his mind bursting forth with tenderness and love.

However, the transfer of his beautiful prose and thoughts of fancy from his mind to paper had proved fruitless, as the uncultured mamaluke struggled to craft the perfect love letter to Eagles quarterback Carson Wentz, who is 2-0 on the season and proving to be “the real deal.”

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Carson Wentz can’t stop saying “Da Bears,” annoying everyone
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Bill Swerski and his Super Fans.

Chicago, Illinois – Perhaps running on adrenaline and nervous energy leading up to his first Monday Night Football game, sources have confirmed that Carson Wentz cannot stop quoting lines from the Saturday Night Live recurring “Super Fans” sketch, popularized in the early 90s by George Wendt and Chris Farley.

The recurring sketch, “Bill Swerski’s Super Fans,” popularized the catchphrase “Daaaaaa Bears,” which has become a prominent saying in sports lexicon. Wentz, sources have noted, has approximately said the phrase close to 50 times during the morning walk through, quarterbacks meeting and media session.

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Who will make our Eagles picks this week?

WheelerWhat a debut last week from our inaugural picker for the 2016-2017 Philadelphia Eagles season. Chris Wheeler just BACK LEGGED it out of the park for us, successfully predicting the Eagles would defeat the Browns and cover the spread in week one.

That magnificent toupeed bastard looked middle in and absolutely crushed his prediction.

But we tread on, bringing in yet another special guest to make our picks in week 2. Will he or she be as spot on as Wheels was in week 1? We’ll see Monday night when the Eagles take on the Bears during Monday Night Football (ALLLLLLLL YOUR ROWDY FRIENDS ON MONDAY NIGHT) in week 2.

Here’s our record so far:

Win/Loss prediction record: 1-0

Against the spread: 1-0

But who have we brought in to make the week 2 pick? Will they keep the good times rolling?

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Jon Dorenbos attempts to make Nick Cannon seem talented in most difficult magic trick of all
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Jon Dorenbos on America’s Got Talent pulled off his most unbelievable trick yet.

New York City, NY – Jon Dorenbos’s run in America’s Got Talent came to an end last night, as the long snapper turned magician finished third overall in NBC’s popular reality show.

His final trick, however, was perhaps his greatest and most mind-blowing accomplishment throughout his time on the show.

“Nick, I want you to think of what you’d rather be doing right now in your career. Just think of it, write it down on this piece of paper, and then put it into your pocket,” Dorenbos told the host of America’s Got Talent.

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Jon Marks leaving 97.5 the Fanatic, launching website to help workplace bullying victims
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Jon Marks is leaving 97.5 FM for a new career opportunity.

Philadelphia, PA – Sources have confirmed that Jon Marks, a co-host and producer of the morning show at 97.5 the Fanatic, will be leaving the show and the sports talk station when his contract expires on Oct. 20.

Marks will finish out his contract and will remain on air until October.

However, Marks has already announced his next project, as he’ll launch a website dedicated to helping employees who have problems with bullies at their place of business.

“We really want to help those who face bullying day in and day out at their own jobs. Nobody should have to face bullying on a daily basis, especially those of us who are of middle aged and realize this isn’t high school anymore,” Marks said.

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Hey, has anyone made the Kirk Cousins is the next Nick Foles joke yet?

Kirk CousinsKirk Cousins did not play well last night against the Pittsburgh Steelers, which did not sit well with many Redskins fans after the organization labeled him with the franchise tag.

His performance reminded us of another quarterback who came off a career year and didn’t quite live up to expectation. It seems like a great joke, comparing Kirk Cousins to Nick Foles, but do you think it’s been done yet? I’m not sure.

Well let’s check Twitter and see, shall we?

https://twitter.com/samdonnellon/status/775499260624240640

(Not off to a great start. Sam Donnellon is a hack, so if he tweeted it I’m sure many, many others did.  I like how he had to quality that Kirk Cousins is the NFL SEASON’S version of Nick Foles, lest we thought he was the NBA’s version of Nick Foles)

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