It seems like, oh, less than a week since the last time Penn State honored former coach Joe Paterno for putting the university’s football program on the map and ignoring (and possibly hiding) a horrendous, decades long sexual assault scandal of hundreds of children by his assistant coach Jerry Sandusky.
Isn’t it about time Penn State honors Joe Pa again?
Come on! It gives the sycophants in the football program ANOTHER reason to trot out the old memories of their beloved coach, while it gives the rest of us, the sane people who don’t support a man who turned a blind eye to his assistant coach ruining the lives of hundreds of children and their families, a chance to again express our outrage that this man is still being held up as a pillar of the university and community.
It’s really a win-win, if you think about it. Nothing gets a donor to open his or her wallet faster than watching a montage of Joe Paterno’s greatest coaching achievements (and apparently his unwillingness to stop a sexual predator on his football staff), and nothing bonds people together faster than protesting the moronic idea that he should be celebrated or even remembered.
So here’s my proposal. Penn State honors Joe Paterno at EVERY GAME for the rest of the season. It will give Penn State alums an opportunity to beat each other off and embarrass themselves with their flimsy claims that Joe Pa had no idea what was going on and “did everything he could” to stop the piece of garbage Sandusky.
It will also give the rest of us a chance to once again hold Penn State up in the national limelight and show how foolish they really are.
Hey, maybe they’ll get tired of the weekly protests and bad press and eventually decide it’s not worth it and stop. The memory of Joe Pa will fade away and 20 years from now nobody on campus will remember him or his ghoulish assistant coach ever again.
We can only hope.
But until then, each week on Thursday we’re going to offer up a reason for Penn State to honor Joe Paterno at the weekend’s game, and a suggested protest for fans at the game.
This is a GREAT IDEA and definitely won’t be misconstrued by anyone just reading the headline.
This week in Joe Paterno’s honor: On this week in 1986, the #5 Nittany Lions defeated Boston College 26-14 on their way to an undefeated season that culminated in a Fiesta Bowl victory over #1 Miami. Congratulations to Joe Paterno!
Suggested fan protest of the week: Fans taking in the Michigan/Penn State contest in Ann Arbor should purposefully defecate in their pants during halftime and then fling them onto the Penn State sidelines and tunnel into the stadium, thus ensuring Penn State has to run across poop and stand in fecal matter for the rest of the contest.