The Coggin Toboggan 420 office party devolved into crystal meth usage so quickly

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As the CEO of a multi-billion dollar company, I know my employees deserve a break every now and again. Hell, when I started the Coggin Toboggan three years ago, we were all about fun! Now, it seems as if our bottom line is nothing more than the dollars we put in our coffers at the end of each fiscal year. We sometimes forget that the real lifeblood of this company is our employees, so I thought today would be a perfect day to celebrate their hard work and let them know they’re appreciated.

I’m hip, I’m with it. It’s 420, right? When employees got here this morning the crunchy grooves of the Grateful Dead and Phish were flowing through the company PA speakers, freshly rolled joints were scattered in bowls throughout the break rooms, and the vibe was just chill.

Well you know what, gang? Never again.

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Anthony Gargano rises from Sarcone’s Deli after 3 days, 3 nights to return to 97.5 FM

C9PutbfW0AASBJ3 An awestruck Brian Baldinger couldn’t believe his eyes Monday morning upon seeing his partner Anthony Gargano behind the microphone once again at 97.5 FM the Fanatic. Baldinger had last seen Gargano entombed in Sarcone’s Deli, finishing off his second pound of mozzarella cheese while grieving the firing of his producer, Maureen Crowley Williams.

However, after three days and three nights, Baldinger returned to Sarcone’s Deli once again to try to convince Gargano to return to the airwaves, but was surprised when he found his usual corner booth vacant.

Gargano had disappeared, leaving behind only the strips of paper towels he had been using to mop up the grease trapped in his jowls.

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Anthony Gargano returns to 97.5 FM after deep contemplation, binge eating capocollo

97.5 FM Morning Show host Anthony Gargano returned to the air Monday morning after taking several days off last week after the firing of his on-air producer Maureen Crowley Williams.

Gargano and co-host Brian Baldinger both returned to the sports talk station this morning and addressed the elephant in the room right off the bat.

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Is Josh Innes vying to replace Anthony Gargano, Maureen Crowley Williams at 97.5?

Is this the face of the next 97.5 Fanatic Morning Show host?

The rumor mill is a-churning this morning, as an ex-94 WIP sports talk radio host may have thrown his obese sombrero into the ring to replace the disgruntled lover of incredible meats Anthony Gargano, who has not been on the 97.5 Fanatic Morning Show for three straight days now.

Gargano was reportedly upset that producer Maureen “Mr.” Crowley Williams had been fired from the station earlier in the week. Gargano, who has long been rumored to “like like” MCW, has been notably absent from the airwaves since Tuesday.

But a familiar face to the Philadelphia sports talk scene made a splash on social media Wednesday morning. Josh Innes, who previously hosted the midday show at 94 WIP and currently hosts the Josh Innes Show on Sports Talk 790 in Houston, responded to a fan on Twitter Wednesday afternoon and said he would be willing to make a return to the Philadelphia airwaves.

Follow the jump to see the tweet Innes sent out Wednesday:

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Maureen Crowley Williams: ‘I was foolish for getting into high stakes game of romance, sports talk radio’

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Philadelphia, PA – Maureen Crowley Williams spoke for the first time since being released from her 97.5 the Fanatic contract this morning, as the ex-producer for the 97.5 FM Morning Show told reporters she knew all along she was walking a tight-rope when it came to the high stakes game of “romance and Philadelphia sports talk radio.”

Williams, known to listeners as MCW, was long rumored to have been linked romantically to renaissance man Anthony Gargano, as the seasoned radio host and lover of the arts and fine wine brought her into the producer role despite having never had a prior career in broadcasting.

Williams said she knew it was a poor decision to mix romance with career, but couldn’t resist the debonair charm and the extensive knowledge of “hate the face guys” that Gargano possessed.

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Sweaty, untalented journalist Marcus Hayes is descending upon Syracuse University

C8_EZE4XcAA0W-j As if Syracuse isn’t a depressing enough place to live in already, Philadelphia’s muskiest sports journalist Marcus Hayes is taking his talents to upstate New York to teach young, impressionable sports journalists the fine art of accusing beloved, local sports figures of racism with no concrete evidence or first-hand anecdotes.

May god have mercy on your souls.

I know what you’re thinking if you’re a journalism student at Syracuse. SURE, it seems like a great idea to attend the symposium of an alum who has “made it” in the world of sports journalism, but what’s the catch?

Oh yeah, he’s an untalented hack and will teach you absolutely nothing.

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94 WIP risks its journalistic integrity, discusses highly controversial Eagles “mock draft”

08d40986-1dba-cfd3-ff75-dad5ce49b42d Perhaps in a desperate attempt to bolster its sliding ratings, 94 WIP threw caution to the wind this morning when Midday host Joe DeCamara decided to discuss, on live air, a controversial NFL mock draft that has been floating around the dark web of the internet for the past week.

For perhaps the first time in the station’s vaunted and respected history, a sports talk show decided to acknowledge and discuss unverified rumors about an upcoming sporting event.

Only previously discussed in hushed tones by journalists behind closed doors, DeCamara brought up the several page document, published by an unknown NFL insider and malcontent at ESPN, which attempted to accurately predict every pick for the seven round draft based on each team’s needs on the field.

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Tony Romo finally released from dark, cursed bonds, crumbles into dust

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The tortured soul of Tony Romo, bound to this world by dark forces ungoverned by man, was finally released from his earthly toil this morning.

The Curse of Ankarnarng, which tormented the eons old being that became known as Tony Romo in this most recent millennium, was lifted after NFL insider and ESPN reporter Adam Schefter recited the Incantation of Omor backwards at the 50-yard-line of Cowboys stadium during a full moon.

After the ancient curse was lifted from the agonized, decrepit husk of a body, Romo thanked his liberator for releasing him from his tortured existence, smiled slightly, winked and crumbled into a fine dust, which was picked up by a soft, warm breeze and disappeared into the ether, Schefter reported on his Twitter account.

Making sure to grab the White Sword of Damathria and his iPhone 7 before leaving, Schefter made a hasty retreat prior to the appearance of the fearful ogre known only as “Dak of Prescott.”

At press time, a rage filled, hateful scream from Jerry Jones’s office shook the Cowboys stadium to its very core.

Area dads announce intentions to wax poetic about crack of the bat, green grass, all that horseshit

scwesxjb With another opening day finally upon us, area dads have announced they plan to fondly discuss attending past opening day Phillies games with their fathers, their distinct memories of the smells of the old Veteran’s Stadium, and all the other horseshit that will be quickly forgotten by June.

Area dad John McMartin, 48, told reporters Monday that he planned to turn the game on today at 4 p.m., sit down with his son, Anthony, 9, and his daughter Jamie, 6, and watch the first two innings of the Phillies vs. Reds until all three inevitably lose interest and go their separate ways.

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San Francisco Giants release former Phillies shortstop Jimmy Rollins

jimmy-rollins-headshot-9ff3104f41942be8 The San Francisco Giants announced yesterday that 17-year MLB veteran Jimmy Rollins would not make the team’s final roster.

Rollins, who famously led the Philadelphia Phillies to its first World Series victory since 1980 after declaring them the team to beat. He is one of 8 players, and the only shortstop in the history of baseball, to hit 200 home runs, 500 doubles, and collect 400 steals.

Rollins won three Gold Gloves in his career and was named baseball’s MVP in 2007.

Rollins is reportedly contemplating retirement after hitting .125/.222/.250 with the Giants this spring.