Philadelphia

Doug Benson is back in Philly this week and back on The Coggin

Doug Benson of Doug Loves Movies (and future show Doug Loves Roller Coasters)

Last year Doug Benson came to Philadelphia, kicked the shit out of his shows, kicked the shit out of his interview with us, and then rolled out of this city and left it in his comedic wake.

Doug is back and ready to kill a stand-up show on Wednesday, June 22, at Helium in Philadelphia (the show is currently sold out) and then he’ll be hosting TWO of his popular podcasts, “Doug Loves Movies,” on Saturday, June 25th and Sunday, June 26th. Both shows will begin at 4:20 p.m. and tickets are still available for the Sunday show only.

Check out this link for tickets to this stand-up show if any become available and this link for tickets to his podcast on the weekend.

Usually we feature comedians that enjoy sports, blah blah blah, but Doug is too funny to deny an interview to, so we’re quite happy to welcome back (the now recurring) Doug Benson to The Coggin Toboggan.

We touch on conspiracy theories involving “League of their Own,” if remakes suck, and who the best actor/wrestler of all time was in this classy interview filled with mystery and intrigue.

(more…)

REPORT: Heart disease really killed it last night at the Cataldi/Eskin roast

I hate this picture with every fiber of my being.

Philadelphia, PA – Billed as a brutal night of comedy for two local sports talks legends, guests at the Sports Roast of Angelo Cataldi and Howard Eskin, held Thursday night at the Crystal Tea Room in Philadelphia, were subjected to flat jokes and bad puns from local sports figures for nearly two hours.

However, the room was abuzz after an up and coming comic force really made its presence felt throughout the event.

(more…)

Ex- Eagle Shawn Andrews believes government staged alligator attack to strengthen alligator-control laws

Noted alligator conspiracy theorist Shawn Andrews.

Philadelphia, PA – Ex-Philadelphia Eagles lineman and noted mental patient Shawn Andrews took to his twitter Wednesday afternoon and posted a number of Tweets questioning the legitimacy of the alligator attack that killed a 2-year-old tourist in Orlando earlier this week.

Andrews claimed President Barack Obama approved the funding and staging of the attack to enable the U.S. Government to strengthen alligator control laws throughout the country and eventually take away all alligators from law abiding citizens.

“The government has been trying to take alligators away from good, hardworking U.S. citizens for years. This is just another way for Obama to introduce more stringent alligator-control laws, despite our country’s constitution plainly defending every American’s rite to own and operate alligators,” Andrews told reporters this morning.

(more…)

Nature Boy Ric Flair was wheeling, dealing, and kiss stealing in Philadelphia last night

Two absolute legends.

Ric Flair has the uncanny ability to bring an entire room of grown men (and a smattering of grown women) to a complete halt and melt into messes, with just one long and loud WOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

The Nature Boy blew into the Thuzio Executive Club last night and the styling, profiling, limousine riding, jet flying, kiss stealing, wheeling and dealing son of a gun held an entire room at rapt attention as he shared stories from his glorious career for nearly an hour.

It’s insane to see Flair work a room. The energy changed IMMEDIATELY when he walked into the club and he was swarmed by giddy fans, clamoring for pictures and begging him to cut promos into their iPhones.

(more…)

Has Jason Kelce been working at a local public relations firm under the alias “Tits Smithington?”

b69d901756ee99d116ae184a6e70e653_crop_north

Is this the infamous Tits Smithington?

A reader forwarded us an email today that provided crucial details to an urban legend that has bounced around Philadelphia for the past year. The email lends credence to the legend of “Tits Smithington,” a go-getter of an employee at a local Philadelphia public relations firm that may have actually been Philadelphia Eagles center Jason Kelce.

The email described how a burly, good-natured employee had been hired at the firm in the fourth quarter of the 2015 fiscal year. The author said the employee was known around the office as “Tits Smithington” and frequently wore football cleats to work.

The dedicated reader who alerted us to Tits Smithington said several employees at the firm first suspected the employee was not who he said he was and was actively hiding his real identity:

Well, the first red-flag was that he never gave the human resources office his Social Security Number and refused to take any pay for the job, saying he was doing most of it pro-bono as a way to unwind from his stressful weekends. When asked what he did on the weekends that was so stressful, Tits would just wink at us and say he spent about eight weeks a year in South Philadelphia, eight weeks a year out of Philadelphia, and if things went right another few weeks after that participating in his other occupation.

Plus, it was obviously Jason Kelce. Tits Smithington is a blatantly false name and he answered to the name ‘Jason’ about 99% of the time without realizing it. He even wore his jersey to the office a few times and we heard him talking to “Coach Kelly” on his cell phone in the break room just about every day.

Nobody seemed to mind though. He landed the Jenkins account and always treated the office to happy hours on Friday. Fun guy. Hope he comes back soon.

So was Tits Smithington actually Jason Kelce? Signs point to yes, some signs point to no. I guess we will never know for sure.

Where I apply for the Eagles Senior Analytics Position

QB-Eagles-tale_display_image The Philadelphia Eagles are looking for a new Senior Analytics Position employee to lead the franchise into a new era of advanced stats and smarter decisions, breaking away from the traditional methods of scouting and selecting players for the organization.

Obviously, I am the perfect candidate for the job. If you know me, you know that analytics are my bread and stats are my butter. Oh no, wait, stats are my bread and analytics are my butter. Wait, no, stats are my butter – no – analytics are my butter – Ok, lets just say stats and analytics are my various breads and various butters (if anyone knows what Woody Allen movie that bit is from, I’ll give you a kiss).

Full disclosure, I’ve never actually PLAYED organized football, but I was a goddamn whirling dervish out on the grid iron whenever we played our annual tackle football match among friends over Thanksgiving weekend. I could effortlessly call our defense into a Cover 2 to stop the over the top pass that’s been KILLING US ALL DAY and make the tough calls to bench the most hungover of team members.

Plus, do you have any idea how much time I wasted as a kid playing Tecmo Super Bowl? There’s no rule in the NFL that says a quarterback can’t run straight back into their own end zone and then uncork throw that goes off the top of the screen before landing in the waiting hands of a receiver 100 yards away, right? No? Good, then I’m golden.

Either way, the Eagles would be FOOLISH to pass up this steel trap of a football mind that any team would jump at the opportunity to bring on.

(more…)

EXCLUSIVE: Dario Saric explains his new mustache

Don’t look right at it, you may go blind.

By DARIO SARIC – You must excuse my English, it’s not, ehh, so well at this point in time, but I am learning. I am very much looking forward to playing in the greatest city in the USA, Philadelphia, next year for the 76ers after my time is completed with the Anadolu Efes.

I do not know too much about America and the City of Brotherly Love, but my great friends have told me that American ladies, and especially ladies of Philadelphia, enjoy…ehh…how do you say in English…a long ride on the mustache?

Yes, that is it. They greatly enjoy a mustache ride and I’d like to give all the girls of my new hometown city a long mustache ride. It will be greatly enjoyable for all involved.

(more…)

Mychal Kendricks: Pederson more open than Kelly, gives less enemas

091614-mychal-kendricks-600 Philadelphia, PA – The differences between new head coach Doug Pederson and Chip Kelly have never been more evident than the first several days of mandatory workouts, Eagles linebacker Mychal Kendricks told reporters Wednesday morning.

Kendricks said the majority of the team’s veterans have already taken notice and respect Pederson’s less stringent practices, his ability to be more flexible, and the cancellation of the team’s enema program that Kelly strictly enforced for the past two seasons.

(more…)

Point/Counterpoint: The Ryan Howard incident

POINT: I’ve done so much for this city.

Point columnist: Phillies first baseman Ryan Howard.

What happened this weekend was an absolute atrocity. I will be the first to admit (and I have admitted to the fact) that I have not played well this season. I understand the fan’s frustration, because I am extremely frustrated with myself as well. But to have a fan callously throw a beer bottle at me during Saturday’s game was just atrocious.

When fans feel it necessary to engage themselves in such dangerous behavior, it makes me wonder if they remember all that I did for this city?

(more…)

New Fletcher Cox contract demands leaked to public

Should the Eagles give in to his new contract demands?

The star Philadelphia Eagles defensive lineman Fletcher Cox has made a point of not attending voluntary OTA workouts this off-season as continues to lobby the organization for a new, more lucrative contract.

The extraordinarily talented defensive lineman is still playing under his initial contract and certainly believes he has played himself into a newer, more expensive deal.

Cox has remained fairly silent throughout his holdout, but has published a number of Tweets that may allude to his disappointment with the team.

(more…)