POINT: I’ve done so much for this city.

What happened this weekend was an absolute atrocity. I will be the first to admit (and I have admitted to the fact) that I have not played well this season. I understand the fan’s frustration, because I am extremely frustrated with myself as well. But to have a fan callously throw a beer bottle at me during Saturday’s game was just atrocious.

When fans feel it necessary to engage themselves in such dangerous behavior, it makes me wonder if they remember all that I did for this city?

I’m not talking about my history for this wonderful franchise (though one could argue that I am the most successful first baseman ever to put on a Phillies uniform), but I’ve done so much work for the community through my charities and organizations. I don’t feel like I should be treated this way.

I hold no ill will to the gentleman who threw the bottle at me. I’m sure he was inebriated and probably not thinking correctly, but I will not stand for violence against me or my family when I’m on the field.

I’d like to thank the fans who pointed him out on social media and the fast-acting security officers at Citizen’s Bank Park.

Let’s just put this ugly incident behind us and play some Phillies baseball. Thank you all for reading.

COUNTERPOINT: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO YOU SUCK HOWARD!

Howard you fucking suck, you suck! You’re stealing money from this city and the fans. We pay your salary you waste of space, god you are so terrible, what have you ever done for this organization! NOTHING. I’ve always thought you were trashhhhhhh.

Dude I don’t care that there are kids around, they need to hear this shit. He suck, ok? He fucking blowsssssss. Sully, don’t tell me again, don’t fucking tell me again that there are kids around. I don’t care. I don’t care at all. Kids shouldn’t be at a baseball game anyways, this is for adults. Adults who love sports like me. I’m the best fucking sports fan this city has ever seen. Eagles baby!

E-A-G-L-E-S EAGLES!

::Fails to get Eagles chant going at summer baseball game::

Ahhh fuck everyone. You all suck.

FUCKKKKKKKKK YOU HOWARD.

Dude, Sully, give me your beer can. Don’t ask me why, just fucking hand it over you fucking prick. Yeah I know there’s nothing left, just hand it over. Watch out for the ushers.

::Hurls can of beer in Howard’s general direction::

Haha fuck you Howard, how do you like that you piece of garbage! God damnit, I got beer on my salmon shorts. You owe me some new salmon shorts Howard, you make enough fucking money!

Oh shit….Fitzy, is he pointing at us? Shit, I think he saw it was me. Yo we have to get going man, I can’t get in trouble, my dad will kill me and cut me off completely. I can’t go back to work until that weed charge is expunged from my record, oh crap this is not good.

Let’s go, let’s go…..I don’t think they’re going to stop us.

Good thing nobody saw us huh? Now nobody will know it was me who threw the bottle. Alright, let’s go to Club Risque, those girls love me there.