Philadelphia

What else does 94 WIP’s Ike Reese not believe in?

Ike….why?

In case you missed it, Crossing Broad transcribed a segment from yesterday’s Mike and Ike show where co-host Ike Reese shared his interesting views on dinosaurs.

More specifically, he let co-host Michael Barkann know that he doesn’t believe in dinosaurs at all. AT ALL.

A flabbergasted city read through the transcripts of the show in disbelief as a grown man threw out such theories as, “I’ve seen movies with cavemen in them” as evidence that cavemen existed and “How do we know they’re not man made” when he was asked about dinosaur bones.

Here’s how the conversation got started on yesterday’s show (transcription from Crossing Broad):

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Zack Hample descends on Citizens Bank Park…..ughhhhhhhhh

Yuck.

Zack Hample, the annoying ball hawk that has long overstayed his welcome in the public eye, wrote a post on his blog in 2013 about a trip he took to Citizens Bank Park for an August match-up between the Phillies and the Braves.

He describes then Braves closer Craig Kimbrel actively encouraging his fellow bullpen mates to not throw the needy Hample a ball.

Craig Kimbrel, I salute you.

Enough with Zack Hample. You’re nearly 40-years-old and still running around baseball stadiums with a glove, trampling fans to catch foul balls and home runs…it’s over. Your ten minutes of fame is finished.

I’d rather listen to a complete stranger talk to me about their fantasy football losses than listen to someone go on and on and on about how they catch foul balls at baseball games.

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The Pros/Cons of Carson Wentz

022816_carson-wentz_1200 With news dropping that the number two overall draft pick Carson Wentz would not participate in the final preseason game this Thursday and would likely not dress for the regular season, it’s natural for Eagles fans to wonder if they were sold a bill of goods on the young quarterback.

Sure he had great success in his college career at North Dakota State playing against sub par competition, but how good is the young gunslinger and will he ever live up to expectations in a city that demands a lot from its football team?

The Coggin Toboggan’s scout team has you covered and has put together a comprehensive pros and cons list of what many fans hope will be the first quarterback to bring a Super Bowl to Philadelphia.

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CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (Headline continued in story)

You were the best, Chooch.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCH. Ahh that felt great. One last Chooooch before the beloved Phillies catcher and second to last vestige from the 2008 Phillies World Series team arrives in sunny Los Angeles to reunite with Chase Utley.

Unlike all those dogs that disappeared from my home when I was a kid, Chooch really is going to a better place with wide open spaces where he can dance and prance for the rest of his days.

One last postseason run for the man who hit the shortest World Series game winning hit I’ve ever seen.

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Howard Eskin: Well well well, look who came crawling back

Special guest columnist Howard Eskin.

By Howard “The King” Eskin – Well well well. Look who it is. If it isn’t my old friends over at 94 WIP. Whatever could you be doing here, at the Eskin compound, on this fine Thursday morning?

What’s that you say? You have a proposition that you’d like to run by me? Well hold on just a second, because as I recall almost five years ago you pushed me out of my afternoon drive show to make room for some nobody.

I had to watch as that fat stunad Anthony Gargano first unraveled the hard work I put into that 3 to 7 p.m. time slot, watching him slobber all over that microphone. It was enough to turn my stomach.

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BREAKING: Hostage negotiator brought in, ends standoff with Josh Innes

Fired. So fired.

Philadelphia, PA – After a nearly two-hour standoff with recently fired Josh Innes, who had barricaded himself in the 94 WIP prize closet, a Philadelphia Police Department hostage negotiator brought an end to the terror at Tastykake Studios.

Innes was quietly allowed to walk out of the building with three Brian Haddad Show t-shirt, a case of butterscotch krimpets, and a pack of half-eaten Dorritos he found in the prize closet.

“He originally demanded a gassed up helicopter take him to Philadelphia International Airport, where a private jet be waiting to take him to Acapulco, but when that was rejected he settled for a $15 gift certificate to Jim’s Steaks,” a station employee reported.

At press time, Innes was sitting outside in the parking lot in his Nissan Altima, staring at his cell phone and contemplating if he should call 97.5 The Fanatic.

BREAKING: Josh Innes stealing as much as he can carry from 94 WIP prize closet

Josh Innes during a happier time in his life.

Philadelphia, PA – Sources confirmed this afternoon that after 94 WIP afternoon drive host Josh Innes was told he would be fired from the station, Innes immediately bolted to the station’s prize closet and locked himself inside.

Innes is currently still in the closet as of 1:59 p.m, sources have confirmed, ransacking and pillaging the prizes given out to listeners of the station.

Despite pleas from station manager Spike Eskin that he wouldn’t be let out of the building, the portly Innes had reportedly stuffed seven XXL sized Angelo Cataldi and the Morning Crew shirts down his pants, four leftover Lesean McCoy jerseys from 2014, and several Phanatic bobble heads.

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Tim Tebow’s new agent ‘100% guarantees’ he signs a major league deal after showcase

Tim Tebow is crediting his newfound success to a change in management.

Los Angeles, Calif. – The new agent for ex-NFL quarterback Tim Tebow made a bold proclamation this morning, guaranteeing the athlete would be signing a major league deal with one of the 20 teams, scheduled to attend his showcase.

B.L. ZeBub, head representative of the Inferno Talent Agency, guaranteed his newest client would greatly impress at the Aug. 30 showcase and be signing with one of the 20 teams in attendance, including the Phillies, before the season is completed.

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Painstaking thawing process of Merrill Reese has begun for regular season

The absolute best.

Philadelphia, PA – With just 20 days until the Eagles first regular season game of 2016, the organization has begun the painstaking process of thawing the cryogenically frozen play-by-play announcer Merrill Reese.

The 73-year-old announcer has been cryogenically frozen at the end of each season since 2012, when the franchise determined he was experiencing too much wear and tear during the offseason and needed to be preserved for 16 weeks (or more, depending on the playoffs) of the NFL season.

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Report: Caleb Sturgis suffered concussion, but not from errant punt

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Thoughts and prayers.

Pittsburgh, PA – In one of the most bizarre scenarios on a football field this preseason, the Eagles reported last night that placekicker Caleb Sturgis suffered a concussion in pregame warmups after an errant Donnie Jones punt hit him square in the head.

Sturgis did suffer a concussion in the pregame warmups last night, that much is true, but sources are telling the Coggin Toboggan that the Eagles fabricated the punt incident to keep the real story out of the media.

A source has told the Coggin that Sturgis suffered his concussion at the hands of Morganna the Kissing Bandit, who abruptly came out of retirement last night to attend the preseason game.

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