In case you missed it, Crossing Broad transcribed a segment from yesterday’s Mike and Ike show where co-host Ike Reese shared his interesting views on dinosaurs.

More specifically, he let co-host Michael Barkann know that he doesn’t believe in dinosaurs at all. AT ALL.

A flabbergasted city read through the transcripts of the show in disbelief as a grown man threw out such theories as, “I’ve seen movies with cavemen in them” as evidence that cavemen existed and “How do we know they’re not man made”  when he was asked about dinosaur bones.

Here’s how the conversation got started on yesterday’s show (transcription from Crossing Broad):

Ike Reese: “There’s two things I don’t believe in. That’s aliens and dinosaurs…You remember I said this on the air years ago.”

Michael Barkann: “What the heck do you think happened 50 million years ago?”

IR: “What I wanna know is, why aren’t they still here?…”

MB: “I’ll tell ya why they’re not still here, man. Because either a comet or a huge asteroid…”

IR: “OH A COMET CAME AND KILLED ‘EM? OH? OUTTA NOWHERE?”

Ikeeeeeeeeeeeee nooooooo, why do you do this to us? You seem like a good natured guy, you seem affable enough, and then you just throw us this softball and practically beg for public ridicule.

Well, it got us at the Coggin thinking about what other well known and established facts and theories Mr. Ike Reese doesn’t subscribe too.

Here are the theories we surmise he doesn’t put stock into and some commentary from Ike on each one.

Theory 1: The earth is round

Ike’s thoughts: “You’re telling me the earth is round? I look out and I don’t see the curvature of the earth. I even went up to the top of the TastyKake’s studio and I never see the earth dip. Just another CONSPIRACY COOKED UP BY THE GLOBE MAKERS TO SELL MORE GLOBES.”

Theory 2: Dinosaurs and man didn’t exist at the same time

Ike’s thoughts: “No way, no how. I’ve seen the Flintstones, what was Dino then? A big dog? Let me axe you this, what was Fred eating at the drive-in restaurant? TOO BIG TO BE COW’S RIBS, THOSE WERE DINOSAUR RIBS, WHICH DON’T EXIST BY THE WAY.”

Theory 3: America landed on the moon in 1969

Ike’s thoughts: “You’re telling me man somehow got all the way up there? How? With a big ladder? You ever been in a plane that’s flown that high? No way. Plus everyone know the moon is made of cheese, THE SHIPS WOULD JUST SINK RIGHT IN.

Theory 4: The earth revolves around the sun

Ike’s thoughts: I don’t feel like we’re moving right now, do you? Oh, so the earth is hurtling through space around this thing called the sun? I don’t buy it. Everyone knows the earth sits on top of a gigantic turtle CRAWLING THOUGH SPACE. THAT’S JUST GOOD SCIENCE.

Theory 5: A country cannot be governed successfully with an aristocratic oligarchy

Ike’s thoughts: I respectfully disagree. I’d argue that America’s government is oligarchic in nature. As Jeffrey A. Winters once wrote, “oligarchy and democracy operate within a single system, and American politics is a daily display of their interplay.” The top 1% of American’s control 99% of the wealth in this country, and wealth means power in America, so couldn’t you surmise that the top 1% of the citizens are the aristocracy and we are their peons? Money buys access. Average citizens only achieve what the truly wealthy want us to achieve.

Also, the stars in the sky are God’s teardrops and the sound of thunder is Angels bowling.