Tim Tebow’s new agent ‘100% guarantees’ he signs a major league deal after showcase

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Tim Tebow is crediting his newfound success to a change in management.

Los Angeles, Calif. – The new agent for ex-NFL quarterback Tim Tebow made a bold proclamation this morning, guaranteeing the athlete would be signing a major league deal with one of the 20 teams, scheduled to attend his showcase.

B.L. ZeBub, head representative of the Inferno Talent Agency, guaranteed his newest client would greatly impress at the Aug. 30 showcase and be signing with one of the 20 teams in attendance, including the Phillies, before the season is completed.

ZeBub said he was pleased when he finally received a call from Tebow, whom he said “finally came to his senses and gave us a call after playing for another team for years.”

Zebub noted the Inferno Talent Agency employed such respected athletes as Lance Armstrong, Jose Canseco, John Rocker, Ray Rice, Roger Clemens and the late Chris Benoit.

But none of those previous signings, ZeBub said, have been as satisfying as Tebow.

“We’ve been after Tim for a long time now, but he’s resisted the temptation to sign so far. Tim’s always been a sweet kid, bit naive, but he finally saw things our way and cast aside his old convictions to sign with a winning team, isn’t that right Tim?” ZeBub said, putting an arm around a visibly uncomfortable Tebow and happily munching on an apple during the media event.

Tebow, who looks to have packed on more than 50 pounds of pure, uncut muscle since signing with the agency, didn’t speak during the entire press conference.

ZeBub explained the deal with Tebow involved no money up front, just a contract signing and a “collection many, many years from now.”

“Isn’t that right, Timmy? You don’t have to worry about that for many years. We’re just happy Tim decided to finally sign with us. What did you get out of years of being with that other organization, Timmy? Nothing but heartache. You’ll enjoy yourself with us,” ZeBub said.

ZeBub concluded the event and said he’d be happy to answer more questions on Aug. 30, but would be traveling in the deep, deep south until the showcase.

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