Washington, DC – DeSean Jackson decided to throw caution to the wind Friday morning when he spoke about Chip Kelly and how his actions came back to him in a stunning display of karma at the end of the season.
Jackson essentially proved the old adage of a pot calling a kettle black by saying he “could care less” about Chip Kelly because he “ruined the Eagles.”
“I’m a firm believer that bad karma comes back on you,” said Jackson to TheMMQB’s Robert Klemko. “When you ruin a team like that, you do things to people’s families, you release people, you trade people, you get rid of good players who build something with the community, with the fans, with the kids — to have a guy come in and change up the team like that, I just believe in karma.”
Haddonfield, NJ – Perhaps becoming frustrated by his lack of coaching opportunities, the recently fired Chip Kelly came out to the media Thursday and announced that he had an interest in a local coaching position.
Kelly granted an interview to Lisa Brackins, a freshman reporter for the Bulldawg Bulletin, the official paper of Haddonfield Memorial High School.
In the 2,000 word article, Kelly reportedly announced he hoped Haddonfield would consider him as a potential new coach for the high school’s football program.
Jeffrey Lurie (file photo)
It’s no secret that the Eagles front office contacted me late Sunday after the conclusion of the final game of the season and asked if I would come in and at least interview for the head coaching vacancy. The Eagles have long tried to tap into my extensive knowledge of the game, but the time has never been right for me to join them in an official position. I’ve always had other opportunities on the horizon…starting my own aardvark sanctuary, janitor to the rich and famous, sketchy looking drifter trying to hitch rides on the edge of county lines…I’ve been booked solid for years.
But Mr. Lurie finally convinced me to come in and at least kick the tires for the position. I only agreed if I could transcribe the interview process for the Toboggan and share it with our readers.
He agreed and this is our conversation.
Philadelphia, PA – A stiff and sweaty Howie Roseman has successfully gotten his office chair up to the fourth floor at Lincoln Financial Field, after being told by owner Jeffrey Lurie that he would again be involved in player development following the termination of head coach Chip Kelly.
Sources have confirmed Roseman began the journey around 10:30 a.m. this morning, slowly rolling the chair up the long ramps of the deserted stadium, stopping numerous times to wipe sweat from his pasty brow.
Philadelphia, PA – Perhaps frustrated at being stymied for a comment by Chip Kelly’s girlfriend at their Haddonfield home, Les Bowen is currently sitting inside a stiflingly hot and stuffy wooden crate that is en route to Kelly’s house.
The veteran reporter was denied entrance into Kelly’s home last night and could not get a comment from the recently fired head coach.
A fuming Bowen reportedly came up with the ill-advised scheme early this morning after downing a fifth of Jim Bean. He forced his Daily News co-workers to stuff him inside the crate and have it immediately shipped to Kelly’s home.
Several co-workers balked at Bowen’s request to be “greased up” before squeezing into the crate.
What a prankster!
Philadelphia, PA – Following the bombshell tonight that Eagles Head Coach Chip Kelly had been fired, rumors are slowly trickling in that make the personnel decision more clear.
To perhaps stem the rumor mill, Eagles Owner Jeffrey Lurie had confirmed reports that Kelly was fired for making several harassing and patently unoriginal prank phone calls to Lurie in the past two weeks.
Philadelphia, PA – As both teams are out of contention for the playoffs and no unnecessary injuries are needed in the final game of the season, head coaches Chip Kelly and Tom Coughlin agreed to play under “rough touch” rules.
No tackling to the ground will be allowed for the final, utterly pointless game between the two horrendously underachieving teams.