LeSean McCoy will not shake Kelly’s hand, but has not ruled out sucking his earlobe

mccoyBuffalo, NY – Speaking to Buffalo media after practice Wednesday, LeSean McCoy doubled down on his Chip Kelly criticism and said there was no way he would shake the former coach’s hand when the Bills play the Eagles on Sunday in Philadelphia.

He did not, however, rule out sucking and nibbling on Kelly’s earlobe a bit before the game.

“Man, Chip can’t shake shit. There’s no way I shake his hand,” McCoy said. “But am I going to say I won’t slide up behind him, wrap my arms around his chest, and suck a little bit on that fat, low hanging earlobe? I’m not saying that at all.”

McCoy said he would not discuss anything with Kelly unless he was enveloped in the coach’s big, welcoming arms as the two lay down on the 50 yard line during pre-game warmups, working out their difficulties like two grown men.

McCoy reportedly closed his eyes and let out a long sigh as he continued with his comments.

“Maybe I’ll push my hips back into him just a little, into that sweet spot and let my mind take me away to another place where it’s just me and him for the rest of eternity, where we can become one for the rest of time,” McCoy said dreamily. “His hot breath on the nape of my neck, as I mention how much I’ve missed his caress. Saying nothing, but saying everything, all at the same time.”

McCoy said anything less than that scenario “just wouldn’t be as special” and Kelly could go to hell if he didn’t agree.

When asked for comment, Kelly simply closed his eyes and said nothing, but his silence spoke volumes.


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