Philadelphia, PA – 76ers staff and executive had to forcibly break the door down of Sam Hinkie’s office Thursday evening, as the general manager reportedly tried to trade several members of the current roster for next to nothing.
Behind the barricaded door to his office, 76ers executives could hear Hinkie having a discussion with the Los Angeles Lakers that would have sent Jahlil Okafor to the west coast for Nick Young and a second round pick in return.
Hinkie is reportedly “not pleased” with the hiring of Jerry Colangelo, as several pundits think the move to bring on Colangelo will signal the end of Hinkie’s employment with the Sixers.
Josh Harris, owner of the 76ers, said Hinkie “really freaked the fuck out this afternoon. Just freaked right the fuck out.”
His unsteady mental condition was on full display when team employees finally broke into his office.
“This is the new process, do you hear me?! THIS IS THE NEW PROCESS!” Hinkie screamed, as he was forcibly dragged from his office, still clutching his cell phone in his meaty, pasty hand.
“You’re going to regret this, you hear me, you will regret it. YOU’RE ALL GOING TO DIE!”
Several NBA front office executives reportedly took calls from Hinkie and thought they were being prank called, as the GM desperately tried to trade off the remaining team assets for next to nothing.
One GM said Hinkie offered him “Nerlens Noel for one of our popcorn making machines and an extra crate of nets. If I had thought he was serious, I wouldn’t have hung up on him.”
League officials had to step in Thursday morning and nullify a trade Hinkie had worked out with the Utah Jazz that would have sent Okafor and a 2016 first round pick for the team’s mascot, the Jazz Bear.