Chip Kelly

Mychal Kendricks: Pederson more open than Kelly, gives less enemas

091614-mychal-kendricks-600Philadelphia, PA – The differences between new head coach Doug Pederson and Chip Kelly have never been more evident than the first several days of mandatory workouts, Eagles linebacker Mychal Kendricks told reporters Wednesday morning.

Kendricks said the majority of the team’s veterans have already taken notice and respect Pederson’s less stringent practices, his ability to be more flexible, and the cancellation of the team’s enema program that Kelly strictly enforced for the past two seasons.

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Report: NFL denied Roseman’s original contract offer to DeMarco Murray

102813-howie-roseman-600Philadelphia, PA – Adding further credence to Chip Kelly’s claims that he and Howie Roseman did not directly speak at all last season, a leaked report has shown the NFL front office originally denied an approved contract between the Eagles and recently released running back DeMarco Murray.

Kelly made claims today that he told a middle man about potential targets he hoped the Eagles would acquire before the 2015 season. Roseman, he said, did all of the contract negotiations.

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Mega-offer from Chip Kelly for Marcus Mariota much larger than reported

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Philadelphia, PA – A “mega-deal” offered by Chip Kelly one year ago to the Tennessee Titans for QB Marcus Mariota was actually far richer than is being reported by media outlets this morning.

According to NFL Insider Peter Schrager, the Eagles offered a 2015 2st round pick, a 2015 2nd round pick, a 2016 1st round pick and any of the team’s quarterbacks for Titans QB Marcus Mariota.

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Riley Cooper implies Howie Roseman is a racist

102813-howie-roseman-600After the Philadelphia Eagles made a bevy of moves on Monday afternoon, recently released wide receiver Riley Cooper made some unsubtle comments about Howie Roseman and the players he chose to get rid of this offseason.

“You see how fast he got rid of all the good players. Especially all the good white players. He got rid of them the fastest. That’s the truth. There’s a reason. … It’s hard to explain with him. But there’s a reason he got rid of all the white players — the good ones — like that,” Cooper said from his offseason Florida home.

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Super Bowl bound Evan Mathis sends Chip Kelly antagonistic texts at 2 a.m.

032614_evan-mathis_600Denver, Colo – Perhaps rubbing salt into Chip Kelly’s wounds, Evan Mathis, a member of the Broncos Super Bowl bound roster, sent a picture of himself partying at 2 a.m. at a Denver nightclub to Chip Kelly’s cell phone.

The picture reportedly was sent along with the following message:

“Up past 10 p.m., how will we ever be ready to play?! Oh wait, we’re grown men who don’t need 12 hours a sleep a night. We’re going to the Super Bowl, enjoy San Francisco! Too bad we don’t have any internal monitors on this team, or maybe you could monitor how much I hate you and wish you would die on a daily basis. Thanks for cutting me, so long chump.” the text reportedly read.

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2016 All-Philadelphia Royal Rumble

2258_-_logo_royal_rumble_wwe-jpegThis Sunday WWE is hosting its annual Royal Rumble pay-per-view, by far the most entertaining wrestling event ever created. For those unfamiliar with the sport of wrestling, a “Royal Rumble” consists of 20 to 30 wrestlers entering the ring every two minutes. The entrants are eliminated when thrown over the top rope, and the final man (or woman) standing wins the event and gets to headline Wrestlemania.

It’s insanely entertaining and popular with fans, so it got us thinking at The Coggin Toboggan. Who in this city would win in an All-Philadelphia Royal Rumble?

WHAT A QUESTION! Don’t be surprised, it’s why you come to this blog, to read educated and intelligent material such as this.

The 2016 All-Philadelphia Royal Rumble will only include coaches, media personnel, blogger, mascots, and behind the scenes employees of the four major sports.

No athletes will be included, because it would kill me to try and think of something funny to say about Sam Bradford being in something like this. Uhhh….every move he throws gets intercepted? God that’s stupid.

So here it is. We’ve identified 25 competitors, written a short bio for each, given each an entrance song and a trademark maneuver we feel is appropriate.

Ladies and gentleman, the 2016 All-Philadelphia Royal Rumble.

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RumorBot 2.0 debuts and predicts the next Eagles head coach

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Definitely not RumorBot 2.0. You have to see him after the jump.

The  Coggin Toboggan engineers are some of the most dedicated employees we have at the blog. The last time we called on them they delivered HitchBot 2.0 after the first had been destroyed in the streets of Philadelphia.

They came through with flying colors and redeemed this city in its darkest hours. I mean, just look at the replacement they developed. It’s sleek, it’s sexy, and most importantly it got results.

I will mention that the Coggin Toboggan engineers did fail us one time, but we asked them to play god and no man should ever play God. The less said the better, but messing around with the human genome and trying to splice it with bald eagle DNA makes for some horrific sins against nature. We had to burn so many bodies in the dumpster behind the offices. Those inhuman shrieks will fill my soul with dread for the rest of my life. They had human eyes! Human! May God have mercy on us all.

But I digress. Every sports writer and hack sports talk radio host has been giving their best guesses as to who the Eagles will hire to be their next head coach. Will it be Doug Marrone?! Or maybe Jon Gruden will come out of retirement.

We’re sick of guesses, so we asked our engineers to develop a state-of-the-art piece of technology that would factor in every single piece of data about the available coaching candidates and be able to give us a DEFINITIVE answer as to whom the Eagles will hire to be their next coach.

The Toboggan engineers have never let us down before, so we figured we’d let them have a go at it. While we won’t tell you any of the details that went into creating the machine, we will say that what they came up for us is simply outstanding.

After the jump you’ll see RumorBot 2.0 tell us exactly who will be the next coach of the Philadelphia Eagles. We also ran the test for the New York Giants and the Cleveland Browns.

Spoilers ahead. You have been warned.

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