Washington, DC – DeSean Jackson decided to throw caution to the wind Friday morning when he spoke about Chip Kelly and how his actions came back to him in a stunning display of karma at the end of the season.
Jackson essentially proved the old adage of a pot calling a kettle black by saying he “could care less” about Chip Kelly because he “ruined the Eagles.”
“I’m a firm believer that bad karma comes back on you,” said Jackson to TheMMQB’s Robert Klemko. “When you ruin a team like that, you do things to people’s families, you release people, you trade people, you get rid of good players who build something with the community, with the fans, with the kids — to have a guy come in and change up the team like that, I just believe in karma.”
At the conclusion of his interview, reporters noted that Jackson received a call from his personal physician, informing the young wide-receiver that his chlamydia and genital herpes test had come back positive and he needed to come into the office immediately for a series of intrusive and painful treatments.
Then, while crossing the street to retrieve his car in the Redskins players parking lot, he stepped in front of a 1973 Lincoln Continental, forcing the car to slam on its brakes. Five gentlemen, all wearing red clothing and red bandannas, then exited the vehicle and proceeded to beat Jackson mercilessly until he lay in a broken heap in the middle of the road.
One of the gentlemen then shot Jackson in the knee cap, proclaimed “Bloods for Life,” and drove off.
As of press time, Jackson had crawled to the side of the road and was laying face first in a pile of dog shit.