Howie Roseman facing most arduous challenge of his career

NFL: Kansas City Chiefs at Philadelphia EaglesPhiladelphia, PA – A stiff and sweaty Howie Roseman has successfully gotten his office chair up to the fourth floor at Lincoln Financial Field, after being told by owner Jeffrey Lurie that he would again be involved in player development following the termination of head coach Chip Kelly.

Sources have confirmed Roseman began the journey around 10:30 a.m. this morning, slowly rolling the chair up the long ramps of the deserted stadium, stopping numerous times to wipe sweat from his pasty brow.

Roseman reportedly loosened his tied and unbuttoned his shirt collar around 11:54 a.m., pools of sweat forming on his back and seeping through his Gucci undershirt.

“Was the freight elevator not working today? Why do I have to do this myself,” Roseman asked himself, looking woefully up the seemingly never-ending set of ramps.

Several employees allegedly ignored Roseman’s pleas for assistance.

At press time, Roseman considered tendering his resignation after he lost hold of the chair and watched it roll down 12 ramps.

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