Philadelphia, PA – Following the bombshell tonight that Eagles Head Coach Chip Kelly had been fired, rumors are slowly trickling in that make the personnel decision more clear.
To perhaps stem the rumor mill, Eagles Owner Jeffrey Lurie had confirmed reports that Kelly was fired for making several harassing and patently unoriginal prank phone calls to Lurie in the past two weeks.
Lurie shared recordings of the phone calls with several members of the media Tuesday night.
“Hey, is this Jeffrey Lurie? Hey, hey what’s up butt face? Hey Jerky, your team sucks and you suck!” A snickering Kelly can be heard in one of several dozen left on Lurie’s personal cell phone.
Lurie said he was unsure if Kelly knew his phone, like every phone in existence, had caller ID.
“Really didn’t make a lot of sense. He had to know I could see it was him calling me every time, right? He wasn’t even calling from a payphone or anything, it was from either his cell phone, or worse, his office phone inside of the stadium,” Lurie said.
Apparently it came to a head this afternoon when Kelly left a final message on Lurie’s phone.
“Umm…hi, Jeffrey Lurie? This is Haywood…..Haywood Jablomie,” Kelly said using an obviously fake, high pitched voice.
“Is your refrigerator running? WELL YOU BETTER GO CATCH IT!” He said into the voicemail, unaware the punchline made no sense without someone answering his question on the other end of the line.
“I’m going to fucking kill you and slit the throat of that whore you call a wife while you watch. This is Chi…I mean, not Chip Kelly. And I’m not going to kill you and your wife, I was just kidding. See you at practice tomorrow,” Kelly said, his voice running cold before hanging up.
Lurie said it was the turning point of his relationship with Kelly.
“Is my refrigerator running? You don’t make a joke about a man’s refrigerator, that’s just taking it too far,” Lurie said, shaking his head.
At press time, Lurie declared no more phone privileges for any member of the organization.