DeMarco Murray suspended 1 game for inactions detrimental to the team


A rare sight, DeMarco Murray with his helmet on and holding a football.

Philadelphia, PA – DeMarco Murray heard from the NFL front office Tuesday morning and learned he will receive a one game suspension for his horrendous inactions during Sunday night’s blowout loss against the Cardinals.

The league suspended Murray for his “egregious disregard to playing the game of football” and for multiple “deep shoulder shrugs” and “eye rolls” directed towards the heavens.

“No NFL player should look as disinterested as Mr. Murray did on Sunday Night Football. It’s a national stage, and even though he was not actively involved in the game, he should at least take his ski cap off when sitting on the bench, my goodness,”  NFL vice president of Football operations Merton Hanks said.

During several points of the game a camera caught Murray sitting on the bench picking his nose, trying to play Angry Birds on the tablets used to review plays, and reportedly “resting his eyes” for several minutes at a time in the second half.

“We have also heard reports that Murray finished up season 1 of Fargo on his iPhone during the 2nd quarter of the game and then proceeded to start season 2, which allegedly rocked his world. These reports are unconfirmed at this time.”

Murray was hardly used Sunday evening. When he was placed in the game he looked sluggish and uninterested in the game of football. At several points in the huddle he longingly looked back over at the sidelines and sighed wistfully, motioning for head coach Chip Kelly to take him out of the game.


Murray reportedly played his last play of the game with a penny loafer on his right foot and nothing on his left but a sock.

The NFL is considering repealing the suspension and making the Eagles start Murray during Sunday’s pivotal game against the Redskins, citing a suspension of Murray may “only give the Eagles an advantage.”

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