94 WIP

The 2016 94 WIP vs. 97.5 FM the Fanatic Survivor Series

wwe-survivor-series-ppv-logoThis Sunday, the WWE is hosting its annual Survivor Series PPV, which pits teams of five wrestlers against each other in an elimination match to see which team is the ultimate “survivor.”

This year, due to the WWE’s brand split, teams of Raw wrestlers will be pitted against teams of Smackdown wrestlers at the PPV. Sound nerdy? You bet it. Sound pointless? Oh my yes.

But it got us thinking at the Toboggan….who would win a Survivor Series type match between on-air personalities of the two sports talk radio stations in Philadelphia? NO LOVE LOST BETWEEN THEM, GANG.

This is what we do here at the Toboggan…waste hours of our time thinking of participant entrance songs, trademark maneuvers and alliances for imaginary wrestling events between two radio stations.

On an unrelated note, could anyone suggest a good divorce lawyer?

So here it is. We’ve identified the two teams (each consisting of four participants) and how we think the match would go down. Also, in true WWE Survivor Series fashion, the participants in the match are not necessarily the top performers at either station (though a few familiar faces will be seen).

Ladies and gentlemen, the 2016 Philadelphia Sports Talk Survivor Series.

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Jon Ritchie already bleeding all over the 94 WIP Tastykake Studios
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Just another day at the office for Ritchie.

Philadelphia, PA – Just an hour into his new midday show, former Eagles fullback Jon Ritchie is already bleeding profusely from his forehead and it doesn’t seem as if it will stop anytime soon.

Ritchie and Joe DeCamara are the newest midday hosts for 94 WIP Sports Radio, taking over for former midday show Mike and Ike, featuring Michael Barkann and Ike Reese, from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. Reese will host an afternoon drive show in the near future and Barkann was let go from the station.

Around 10:56 a.m., an audible dripping noise could be heard on the audio of the show while the co-hosts were discussing the Eagles victory over the Vikings

Ritchie, a fullback with the Eagles from 2003 to 2004, was known for his excessive forehead bleeding during each game he played.

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Angelo Cataldi to decrease pork consumption to just 10 portions a week while Colin Kaepernick starts

060512-Angelo-Cataldi-400Angelo Cataldi is taking a stand against San Francisco 49ers Head Coach Chip Kelly’s decision to bench quarterback Blaine Gabbert in favor of Colin Kaepernick, who has drawn national attention to his National Anthem protests this season.

The boisterous 94 WIP Morning Host said he would also take a stand and protest Kaepernick’s presence on the football field.

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BREAKING: Josh Innes returning to Houston buffet
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He’s coming home.

Houston, Texas – Recently fired 94 WIP sports talk host Josh Innes announced today on Twitter that he would be making a stunning return to Houston’s Golden Corral next week.

The talented, but mercurial, Innes officially made his return to the vaunted buffet official on Monday afternoon, stating he would be filling a 3 to 7 p.m. slot Monday through Friday.

Innes is expected to touch on such controversial subjects as the carving stations availability at dinner only and the price differential that faces lunchtime and dinnertime patrons each day.

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Congratulations to Angelo Cataldi for completing the 1 millionth flip-flop of his career!

060512-Angelo-Cataldi-400What a day to be alive in Philadelphia. It’s not hot, the Eagles are merely days away from opening their 2016-2017 season, and one of the most decorated broadcasters in the city’s history reached an impressive milestone in his career over the Labor Day Weekend.

Vaunted waffler Angelo Cataldi, co-host of the 94 WIP Morning Show, successfully flip-flopped on yet another opinion after Sam Bradford was traded to the Minnesota Vikings this weekend.

It’s the 1 millionth flip-flop of Cataldi’s career. He joins noted wafflers Howard Eskin, Ike Reese, and Anthony Gargano to reach this pinnacle of broadcasting success in Philadelphia.

The countdown for his career milestone began on April 25, when record keepers noted Cataldi notched his 999,999th flip-flop when he threatened to drive Sam Bradford to the airport himself, and then three days later tweeted the Eagles shouldn’t trade the young quarterback.

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What else does 94 WIP’s Ike Reese not believe in?
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Ike….why?

In case you missed it, Crossing Broad transcribed a segment from yesterday’s Mike and Ike show where co-host Ike Reese shared his interesting views on dinosaurs.

More specifically, he let co-host Michael Barkann know that he doesn’t believe in dinosaurs at all. AT ALL.

A flabbergasted city read through the transcripts of the show in disbelief as a grown man threw out such theories as, “I’ve seen movies with cavemen in them” as evidence that cavemen existed and “How do we know they’re not man made”  when he was asked about dinosaur bones.

Here’s how the conversation got started on yesterday’s show (transcription from Crossing Broad):

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Howard Eskin: Well well well, look who came crawling back
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Special guest columnist Howard Eskin.

By Howard “The King” Eskin – Well well well. Look who it is. If it isn’t my old friends over at 94 WIP. Whatever could you be doing here, at the Eskin compound, on this fine Thursday morning?

What’s that you say? You have a proposition that you’d like to run by me? Well hold on just a second, because as I recall almost five years ago you pushed me out of my afternoon drive show to make room for some nobody.

I had to watch as that fat stunad Anthony Gargano first unraveled the hard work I put into that 3 to 7 p.m. time slot, watching him slobber all over that microphone. It was enough to turn my stomach.

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BREAKING: Hostage negotiator brought in, ends standoff with Josh Innes
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Fired. So fired.

Philadelphia, PA – After a nearly two-hour standoff with recently fired Josh Innes, who had barricaded himself in the 94 WIP prize closet, a Philadelphia Police Department hostage negotiator brought an end to the terror at Tastykake Studios.

Innes was quietly allowed to walk out of the building with three Brian Haddad Show t-shirt, a case of butterscotch krimpets, and a pack of half-eaten Dorritos he found in the prize closet.

“He originally demanded a gassed up helicopter take him to Philadelphia International Airport, where a private jet be waiting to take him to Acapulco, but when that was rejected he settled for a $15 gift certificate to Jim’s Steaks,” a station employee reported.

At press time, Innes was sitting outside in the parking lot in his Nissan Altima, staring at his cell phone and contemplating if he should call 97.5 The Fanatic.

BREAKING: Josh Innes stealing as much as he can carry from 94 WIP prize closet
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Josh Innes during a happier time in his life.

Philadelphia, PA – Sources confirmed this afternoon that after 94 WIP afternoon drive host Josh Innes was told he would be fired from the station, Innes immediately bolted to the station’s prize closet and locked himself inside.

Innes is currently still in the closet as of 1:59 p.m, sources have confirmed, ransacking and pillaging the prizes given out to listeners of the station.

Despite pleas from station manager Spike Eskin that he wouldn’t be let out of the building, the portly Innes had reportedly stuffed seven XXL sized Angelo Cataldi and the Morning Crew shirts down his pants, four leftover Lesean McCoy jerseys from 2014, and several Phanatic bobble heads.

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Philly sports talk radio rocked as “97.5 FM Host Mike Missanelli” revealed as fake
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Scandal! Popular radio host Mike Missanelli revealed as a hoax.

Philadelphia, PA – The jig is up.

In a scandal that may rock the popular sports talk radio station to its core, 97.5 FM producers Jason Myrtetus and Pat Egan have revealed that infamous 97.5 FM mid-day host “Mike Missanelli,” a stereotypical Italian dunderhead who appeals to the lowest common denominator, is in actuality a fake character cooked up by Egan.

Egan said he created the character in the early 2000s when “he” first appeared on then 610 WIP. Thought of as a one-shot character designed to infuriate listeners and garner hatred throughout the city, Egan was surprised when 610 hired him to reprise the character on a daily basis as a host.

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