I wanted to see just how difficult it would be to get a reservation for 10 Eagles fans on short notice in Minneapolis bars and restaurants near U.S. Bank Stadium. At the very least, I figured, the salty rejections from business owners would make for some good content.
It turns out that most business owners in Minneapolis aren’t as idiotic as the Vikings fans encountered on social media, because it’s QUITE EASY to make a reservation for 10 Eagles fans for tonight during prime dinner hours at just about any bar or restaurant within a mile of the Vikings stadium.
See just how much local business owners love Philadelphia Eagles fan after the jump:
I get it, Minnesotans, I really do. You want to come to City of Brotherly love this weekend, take in some culture, maybe see what all the fuss is about with these cheesesteaks, and you want to cheer on your Vikings in a polite, but slightly rowdy, manner.
It SOUNDS like a great weekend, but what will you do when you’re face to face with one of nature’s most relentless killing machines, an Eagles fan with a bone to pick?
Sure, they may seem cute and harmless when they’re doing their little E-A-G-L-E-S EAGLES chant all afternoon, but when they’re bearing down on you with the broken shards of an Old Crow whiskey bottle, do you know what to do to increase your odds of survival?
Throwing cheese curds or whatever garbage it is you people eat up in Minnesota won’t help you.
Remember, Eagles fans can smell fear. If you reek of it (which you likely will), you stand little chance. The first step in survival is knowing what to do to increase your odds of getting out of their with your life.
Hey sports fans, the Eagles are back in the NFC title game for the first time since 2008 and you know what that means….tailgating brah! If there’s one thing The Coggin Toboggan knows, it’s how to throw a great party, so what better time to hold our first ever official Coggin Toboggan tailgate before the Eagles beat the Vikings this Sunday!
Sure, other blogs and websites hold tailgates for all of their fans, but there ain’t no party like a Coggin Toboggan party, because a Coggin Toboggan party don’t stop!
Here are all the details you’ll need to get your party on! E-A-G-L-E-S EAGLES!
Mike Zimmer is looking for an edge in Philadelphia.
Minneapolis, Minnesota – Vikings Head Coach Mike Zimmer said he would not hesitate to go to Sam Bradford for extra information as the Vikings travel to Philadelphia for a week 7 matchup.
Bradford of course spent last season with the Eagles before being traded to Minnesota prior to the start of the 2016-2017 season.
“Why wouldn’t we ask Sam about Philly? He spent an entire year there, he knows the ins and outs of Philadelphia…he knows all the best hot spots to hit up in Old City, the best sandwich places, and he totally told us about this one place on South Street that will sell you dime bags if you tell the guy a secret code word by the poster section…that’s inside information you can’t get from watching tape,” Zimmer said.
What a day to be alive in Philadelphia. It’s not hot, the Eagles are merely days away from opening their 2016-2017 season, and one of the most decorated broadcasters in the city’s history reached an impressive milestone in his career over the Labor Day Weekend.
Vaunted waffler Angelo Cataldi, co-host of the 94 WIP Morning Show, successfully flip-flopped on yet another opinion after Sam Bradford was traded to the Minnesota Vikings this weekend.
It’s the 1 millionth flip-flop of Cataldi’s career. He joins noted wafflers Howard Eskin, Ike Reese, and Anthony Gargano to reach this pinnacle of broadcasting success in Philadelphia.
The countdown for his career milestone began on April 25, when record keepers noted Cataldi notched his 999,999th flip-flop when he threatened to drive Sam Bradford to the airport himself, and then three days later tweeted the Eagles shouldn’t trade the young quarterback.
Minneapolis, Minnesota – Just days after arriving in Minnesota as part of a blockbuster trade over the weekend, the Vikings were forced to place Sam Bradford on the IR after an elk wandered onto the practice field and trampled an unaware Bradford into the turf.
Bradford, who was wearing headphones during the pre-practice stretch, did not hear warning from his teammates as a wild elk somehow broke into the practice facility and stampeded towards the 28-year-old quarterback.
Philadelphia, PA – Just moments after a deal sent Sam Bradford to the Minnesota Vikings for a first round pick in 2017 and a fourth round pick in 2018, an overly confident Chase Daniel proclaimed that the “mother fucking era of Chase Daniel has begun.”
Daniel, who called a press conference on his own 10 minutes after the Bradford trade was announced, donned a pair of Ray Ban sunglasses before confidently addressing the media in attendance.
Heaven – Sighing deeply, God, the creator of Heaven and the Earth, made a rare appearance in front of the media and issued a public apology to sports fans everywhere for the Seattle Seahawks victory of the Minnesota Vikings in an exciting Wild Card game Sunday afternoon.
Vikings kicker Blair Walsh missed a chip shot field goal that would have seemingly won the Vikings the game with just 22 seconds remaining. Instead, the pro-bowl kicker missed a 27-yard kick and the Seahawks won 10-9.
“That’s my fault. I was pulling strings all afternoon for the Vikings. I mean, that was pretty obvious,” God said. “I step away for two god damn seconds and look what happens. I guess they never heard me say I help those who help themselves. Idiots.”