Lesean McCoy

In which we try to get invited to Lesean McCoy’s apparent sex party

mccoyLesean McCoy made headlines yesterday when an invitation for his around the clock sex party hit the internet. The former Eagles running back clearly made it known he would only approve women over the age of 21 to the party and no males.

We decided to see if we could get an exclusive invitation to his female only sex romp and created a fictional “woman” who would try to gain access. Thus, SallyBoneZone69 was born.

McCoy obviously runs a tight sex party ship, so after we sent an initial RSVP request we received an automated form asking “Sally” to send over a picture to confirm her gender. We replied with a picture, and immediately received a request for a G-Chat session from the screen name “LMcCoy25BB,” which was obviously McCoy. We accepted, and the following is our conversation with McCoy.

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Chip Kelly asks Riley Cooper to please stop defending him

Take off the next few plays and just stop talking, Riley.

Take off the next few plays and just stop talking, Riley.

Philadelphia, PA – Chip Kelly decried any and all defenses of him by Riley Cooper in the past and near future, after the casually racist wide receiver spoke highly of him in an interview with the Delco Times.

“It’s definitely difficult and upsetting for sure,” Cooper said to Bob Grotz. “I know (Kelly is) not like that.”

Kelly visibly shuddered upon hearing the quote. Kelly has been defending himself against claims of racism by former Eagles running back Lesean McCoy.

“Riley is just trying to help, I know, but please, for the love of god, do not say nice things about me in public anymore. My goodness you are not helping at all,” Kelly said.

“Good god, Riley, just shut your mouth, please.”

Kelly doubled down on his comments and said Cooper was the last person in the world who should be coming to his defense.

“It’s like the KKK coming to the defense of Mark Fuhrman. It’s just not going to help anything,” Kelly said. “You’re not helping anyone, Riley.”

As of press time, Kelly was seen frantically running towards the Eagles media tent as several national media cameras were huddling around Cooper.

Riley Cooper heartbroken he went unmentioned in Lesean McCoy interview

Ov_p1P6d_400x400Philadelphia, PA – A dejected Riley Cooper was almost inconsolable today at the NovaCare Complex, several sources are reporting.

When confronted on his down mood, Cooper said he was upset Lesean McCoy did not mention him alongside Chip Kelly during his recent interview with ESPN the Magazine.

“What’s a guy have to do to get a mention? Go to another Kenny Chesney concert?” he said, as he re-read the interview again before beginning his workout. “It’s just insulting. You work hard, you know, to gain a reputation on a team and then someone just goes and doesn’t even acknowledge all that you do.”

McCoy of course ranted to an ESPN the Magazine reporter about his perceived notion that head coach Chip Kelly had an affinity to run the best black athletes out of the city. While he didn’t outright say Kelly was a racist, many reading the interview did not have to go too far to make the assumption.

Cooper, a teammate of McCoy’s for the past five seasons, just shook his head as he walked into the weight room.

“I guess all you can do is just continue to work hard and really carve a niche out for yourself. I won’t let this happen again,” he said.

“You’d better believe the next time someone on this team has something to say about race on a national stage, Riley Cooper’s name will be the first out of his mouth.”

As of press time, Cooper was showing his most popular YouTube video to several recently drafted rookies.

Lesean McCoy: Chip Kelly made black players pick weeds out of field before practice

mccoyBuffalo, NY – Chip Kelly, former Eagles running back, continued his media tour and leveled several harsh criticisms at Chip Kelly in a recent interview with ESPN the Magazine.

Several of McCoy’s comments could be construed calling his former head coach a racist.

“Prior to every practice, Chip would make all of the black players pick weeds out of the field before practice. He ordered us to sing old-school spirituals as well. He did it every single practice and the white players would just sit there and watch us. He was awful. I remember he gave Nick Foles a whip and told him to use it liberally if we didn’t get everything finished 10 minutes prior to practice,” Kelly told the bewildered ESPN reporter.

While all evidence points to the contrary and no video exists of such an order, McCoy doubled down and said Kelly would keep him in chains in the NovaCare Complex, only to release him on game days and for team practices.

When called out on his claims for being in no way truthful by several of his current Buffalo Bills teammates who overheard the interview and were horrified by his statements, McCoy said he may have misremembered things.

“Look, it was a long time ago, I might be mistaken. Ok, MAYBE he didn’t make us pick weeds before practice or keep me in chains, but he was a dick. Plain and simple. And being a dick is just as bad as being a racist, I think we can all agree on that,” he said.

Nobody agreed with him.

As of press time, Eagles fans were arguing if McCoy’s statements today were worse than when he claimed Andy Reid forcibly drafted him from the University of Pittsburgh and shipped him to Philadelphia in an old wooden boat.

Chip Kelly vs. Lesean McCoy, how a rumor is born (a play in 8 acts)

The Coggin has been flooded with reports today in regards to the alleged rumor of the dustup between head coach Chip Kelly and traded running back Lesean McCoy. The following is a reenactment between the two around week 12 of last season. Lets watch, shall we?

mccoy

Damn coach, too many sprints today at practice, you’ve got to be shitting me.

092313-kelly-chip-eagles-600

Did you just say you want to be hitting me, Shady?!

mccoy

Wait, what? No, no coach I said you’re got to be shitting me, shitting me. Not hitting. Man get off my back.

092313-kelly-chip-eagles-600

Smack? Did you just say get off my smack? You’re a big boy, Shady, you know what you said. Tell me what you fucking said.

mccoy

…….

092313-kelly-chip-eagles-600

……..

mccoy

…….

Don't get too comfortable, Sam. Ahhhhhhhh I’m just messing with you Shady! I had you for a second, I have to say, I think you’d fold under questioning ::turns to Howie Roseman:: I can’t wait to trade that piece of garbage to Buffalo.

The End

Rumor: Eagles planning a blockbuster trade with St. Louis Rams

Young hotshot quarterback Nick Foles is apparently on the Eagles radar.

Young hotshot quarterback Nick Foles is apparently on the Eagles radar.

Philadelphia, PA – In an off season with a number of controversial moves and signings, rumor has it the Philadelphia Eagles are planning on trying to complete a blockbuster trade with the St. Louis Rams.

Sources are telling the Coggin that the Eagles are planning to trade Sam Bradford to the Cleveland Browns for their first round pick, and then package their first round pick and ship both to the St. Louis Rams for quarterback Nick Foles.

“Word has it that Eagles Head Coach Chip Kelly loves the kid….he’d do anything to get Foles. I’ve never seen him higher on another quarterback,” An anonymous source told the Coggin.

Chip Kelly did not confirm or deny the reports, but he did give a wink to a reporter when asked the question.

It would be a stunning turn of events, as the Eagles would position themselves to acquire a potential franchise quarterback to build their organization around for years to come. It would come at a high cost, but if one is to believe Kelly’s game plan, a quarterback like Foles is someone you can’t undervalue.

As of press time, Kelly was also make inquiries to the Buffalo Bills as to the availability of young running back Lesean McCoy. He was rumored to have offered the Eagles 2016 first round pick and inside linebacker Kiko Alonso.

Chip Kelly’s plan apparently to give Angelo Cataldi a massive stroke

When The Coggin Toboggan wants to get serious it turns its coverage over to its editor and founder to bring everything to a screeching halt. Goodbye funny, say hello to self pity and depression.

Here at the CT, we are big fans of the moves the Eagles are making (not so much the decision to not re-sign Maclin, but everything else is going fairly well). They all make sense financially, talent wise, and show a desire from the franchise to explore new options instead of doing the same things over and over again.

An added benefit of the bevy of roster moves being made by the Eagles is the effect they will have on the local media, especially one Angelo Cataldi.

We’re not huge fans of the notorious flip flopper and anything that will take an extra step into handing him a massive stroke is just fine by us.

He’s been on the air for a few hours by now. Is his speech slurred? Has he been nonsensical? Ahh perfect.

In other media news, Howard Eskin tweeted this out at 9 p.m. Sunday evening.

Eskin screen shotThat’s about an hour after the news of Maclin’s plans to sign with the Chiefs was all over Twitter. Really not breaking any news there Howard.

Also, note the twitter handle. Yeah, that’s not Jeremy Maclin’s. It’s this fellows.

Eskin 2That’s some great reporting, Howard.