Kevin Durant

Keys to the 76ers opener by a local sports anchor just finding out Durant no longer on the Thunder

kevin20durant20golden20state20warriors20-vresize-1200-675-high-17Ohhhhhhh it’s a happy day in Philadelphia for all those 76ers fans, as the Sixers will kick off their 2016-2017 season tonight when they take on Kevin Durant and the Oklahoma Thunder in a real test right out of the gates.

It’s been a long time coming for 76ers fans, as fan favorite Dario Saric and perceived franchise savior Joel Embiid will take to the court to try and shut down the high powered offense of the Thunder, led of course by perennial MVP favorite Kevin Durant and guard Russell Westbrook.

Durant, who received heavy interest this offseason, ultimately chose to re-sign with the Thunder and bring his hefty 27 points per game average back to Oklahoma for another run.

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Sam Hinkie: Oh, so Chip Kelly traded McCoy? We’ll see about this.
Hinkie glasses

Chip Kelly’s got nothing on this stud.

Philadelphia, PA – After having the Philadelphia sports media diverted from debating the 76ers recent trades, future and direction of the franchise for just one day, Sam Hinkie simply smirked and pressed a gigantic red button affixed to his desk deep within the confines of the Wells Fargo Center during an impromptu press conference.

“So Mr. Chip Kelly thinks he can divert attention away from my beloved 76ers by making a rash decision and trading one of the most talented and popular members of the Philadelphia Eagles? Please, check the team site,” He said to a collected group of reporters. “Upon checking your iPhones, you’ll notice Nerlens Noel is no longer listed on the team roster.”

A gasp arose from the media, as the active team roster instead featured a picture of Kevin Durant wearing a 76ers jersey. A second picture had been posted to the main page of the 76ers website, prominently featuring a smiling Durant shaking Hinkie’s hand.

“Ladies, gentlemen, your newest member of the Philadelphia 76ers. This town is mine, Kelly, never forget it. You can quote that. Now get the hell out of here,” he told the assembled reporters.

The media were then ushered off of WFC property at gunpoint by Furkan Aldemir.