Eagles

Point/Counterpoint: The Ryan Howard incident

POINT: I’ve done so much for this city.

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Point columnist: Phillies first baseman Ryan Howard.

What happened this weekend was an absolute atrocity. I will be the first to admit (and I have admitted to the fact) that I have not played well this season. I understand the fan’s frustration, because I am extremely frustrated with myself as well. But to have a fan callously throw a beer bottle at me during Saturday’s game was just atrocious.

When fans feel it necessary to engage themselves in such dangerous behavior, it makes me wonder if they remember all that I did for this city?

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Sam Bradford celebrates Cinco De Mayo with half a Zima, drunk texts Carson Wentz

Sam BPhiladelphia, PA – Noting that he had nothing to do today and it being Cinco De Mayo, Sam Bradford reportedly imbibed a half bottle of Zima he found in the back of his pantry and “got a little wild” on the Americanized holiday.

The Eagles quarterback, who is not participating in voluntary workouts, was puttering around his Haddonfield home Thursday morning when he came upon the bottle of Zima as he was cleaning out his pantry.

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Carson Daly selected by Philadelphia Eagl…you know what, who cares?

The Band Perry Performs On NBC's "Today"Philadelphia, PA – In a momentous twist of fate, the Philadelphia Eagles selected former MTV VJ and host of Last Call Carson Daly in a draft day snafu that…you know what? I don’t have the energy for this today.

I am so tired. So, so tired. So guess what, we’ll be taking a day off from our usually scheduled shenanigans and hilarity for some well earned beauty sleep.

It’s a shame too, because this article was going to be HILARIOUS. Think about it, the Eagles accidentally selecting CARSON DALY instead of CARSON WENTZ. They have the same first name! Can you imagine Carson Daly playing quarterback for the Eagles?!

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA!!!! OH MY GOD THAT IS TOO MUCH.

Oh my goodness, I need to calm down. Too much jocularity for one man to handle.

We’ll be back Monday with another post that hinges on one weak piece of wordplay or horrible pun, as per usual.

Fans scrape together enough money to purchase ad in support of Sam Bradford

bra101548Philadelphia, PA – Perhaps after seeing a group of Sixers fan purchase a billboard in support of ousted GM Sam Hinkie, the remaining Eagles fans in the city collected enough money to purchase an advertisement in support of their beleaguered hero.

The group, who have dubbed themselves “Sam’s Slingers,” successfully raised $15.67 from its collective members, enough for a supportive ad for Bradford to be displayed on the side of a dumpster in an alleyway on Market Street.

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Andy Reid caught tampering with rib eating contest
Andy Reid

He’s got to do a better job. 

Kansas City – Sources confirmed Wednesday afternoon that Kansas City Chiefs Head Coach Andy Reid would be fined $75,000 for tampering in pursuit of a coveted rib eating contest at Woodyard Bar-B-Q.

Representatives from the famous barbecue establishment said Coach Reid attempted to learn beforehand from a restaurant employee which sauces would be used for the 25th Annual “Rib Riot” contest.

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New Miami GM won’t let Byron Maxwell off ‘so easy’

082415_byron-maxwell_600Miami, FLA – The tortured screams of corner back Byron Maxwell, 28, rang through the Miami Dolphins training center this morning during his required physical to finalize a trade between the Dolphins and Philadelphia Eagles.

Miami Head Athletic trainer Ryan Grove notified the team’s new GM that Maxwell may not be healthy enough to warrant acquiring, as the young athlete could not lift his right arm as high as his shoulder during the physical examination.

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Panicked Eagles front office reps can’t stop Sam Bradford from dragging himself to unsigned contract
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Sam Bradford file photo.

Philadelphia, PA – Horrified Eagles front office representatives could only look on helplessly as a crippled but determined Sam Bradford dragged himself across the floor of a conference room to his unsigned contract Tuesday afternoon at a  signing event that went disturbingly wrong.

According to sources the meeting began well, as Bradford came to the signing with his agent, Tom Condon. Handshakes and pleasantries were exchanged, but young athlete started to act strangely after just five minutes of his arrival.

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DeMeco Ryans classily keys thank you note into side of Howie Roseman’s car
demeco-ryans-reps-alabama-during-sunday-night-football-intro-roll-tide

A real class act.

Philadelphia, PA – A class act until the end, Eagles defensive leader DeMeco Ryans keyed a long and thankful note into Executive Vice President of Football Operations Howie Roseman’s car after he learned of his release from the team Wednesday afternoon.

The thre paragraph note was crudely scratched into the side of Roseman’s 2015 BMW 320i xDrive, which has an MSRP of $35,000, thanking the organization for the past four seasons.

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I guess I’m officially a runner now

giphyIn Logan’s Run, a 1976 sci-fi movie starring Michael York, in the futuristic year of 2274 those who reach the age of 30 are hunted down and vaporized. Each citizen is implanted with a “Life Clock” that blinks red when they turn 30, notifying the “Sandmen” who hunt down the “Runners if they do not give up quietly.

My Life Clock went off this weekend after watching the NBA All-Star festivities. I guess I’m a runner now.

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DeSean Jackson really tempts fate with comments on Chip Kelly’s “bad karma”

desean-jackson-redskinsWashington, DC – DeSean Jackson decided to throw caution to the wind Friday morning when he spoke about Chip Kelly and how his actions came back to him in a stunning display of karma at the end of the season.

Jackson essentially proved the old adage of a pot calling a kettle black by saying he “could care less” about Chip Kelly because he “ruined the Eagles.”

“I’m a firm believer that bad karma comes back on you,” said Jackson to TheMMQB’s Robert Klemko. “When you ruin a team like that, you do things to people’s families, you release people, you trade people, you get rid of good players who build something with the community, with the fans, with the kids — to have a guy come in and change up the team like that, I just believe in karma.”

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