97.5 the Fanatic

The 2016 94 WIP vs. 97.5 FM the Fanatic Survivor Series

wwe-survivor-series-ppv-logoThis Sunday, the WWE is hosting its annual Survivor Series PPV, which pits teams of five wrestlers against each other in an elimination match to see which team is the ultimate “survivor.”

This year, due to the WWE’s brand split, teams of Raw wrestlers will be pitted against teams of Smackdown wrestlers at the PPV. Sound nerdy? You bet it. Sound pointless? Oh my yes.

But it got us thinking at the Toboggan….who would win a Survivor Series type match between on-air personalities of the two sports talk radio stations in Philadelphia? NO LOVE LOST BETWEEN THEM, GANG.

This is what we do here at the Toboggan…waste hours of our time thinking of participant entrance songs, trademark maneuvers and alliances for imaginary wrestling events between two radio stations.

On an unrelated note, could anyone suggest a good divorce lawyer?

So here it is. We’ve identified the two teams (each consisting of four participants) and how we think the match would go down. Also, in true WWE Survivor Series fashion, the participants in the match are not necessarily the top performers at either station (though a few familiar faces will be seen).

Ladies and gentlemen, the 2016 Philadelphia Sports Talk Survivor Series.

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97.5 the Fanatic’s Jason Myrtetus can suck eggs
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A real cool dude.

I swear this is the last political post I’ll make in lieu of the 2016 election finally coming to a close. I’m sick of it, I’m sick of people arguing about it, and it’s time to move forward.

But damnit, there’s one thing stemming from this that still bothers me.

Jason Myrtetus, a producer of Mike Missanelli’s afternoon drive show on 97.5 the Fanatic, decided to tell listeners yesterday that he decided not to vote in the 2016 election.

Was he too busy creating a new, fake racist caller to replace Dwayne from Swedesboro? Maybe there was a two for one sale on turtle wax at his local Walmart and he had to stock up to keep his head nice and buffed?

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Anthony Gargano reportedly struggling to craft perfect love letter
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The lovelorn Gargano is struggling to wrangle his romantic thoughts to the page.

Philadelphia, PA – Gingerly rubbing the temples of his head with his sausage-like fingers, 97.5 the Fanatic Morning Show host Anthony Gargano reported Monday that he had not slept at all the night prior, his mind bursting forth with tenderness and love.

However, the transfer of his beautiful prose and thoughts of fancy from his mind to paper had proved fruitless, as the uncultured mamaluke struggled to craft the perfect love letter to Eagles quarterback Carson Wentz, who is 2-0 on the season and proving to be “the real deal.”

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Jon Marks leaving 97.5 the Fanatic, launching website to help workplace bullying victims
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Jon Marks is leaving 97.5 FM for a new career opportunity.

Philadelphia, PA – Sources have confirmed that Jon Marks, a co-host and producer of the morning show at 97.5 the Fanatic, will be leaving the show and the sports talk station when his contract expires on Oct. 20.

Marks will finish out his contract and will remain on air until October.

However, Marks has already announced his next project, as he’ll launch a website dedicated to helping employees who have problems with bullies at their place of business.

“We really want to help those who face bullying day in and day out at their own jobs. Nobody should have to face bullying on a daily basis, especially those of us who are of middle aged and realize this isn’t high school anymore,” Marks said.

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Pat Egan to apologize this afternoon on Mike Missanelli’s show, debut a new character

20091224_fm400Philadelphia, PA – 97.5 FM producer Pat Egan will apologize this afternoon on Mike Missanelli’s show for his role in what many have perceived to be a racist radio bit.

Egan, fresh off a three day suspension, also announced plans to debut a new character today on Mike Missanelli’s program.

Egan, who has come under fire for his portrayal of “Dwayne from Swedesboro,” will apologize for the racial undertones he used for the fake caller, who frequently called into Missanelli’s program using a “black” voice and often discussed his love for white women.

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BREAKING: Hostage negotiator brought in, ends standoff with Josh Innes
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Fired. So fired.

Philadelphia, PA – After a nearly two-hour standoff with recently fired Josh Innes, who had barricaded himself in the 94 WIP prize closet, a Philadelphia Police Department hostage negotiator brought an end to the terror at Tastykake Studios.

Innes was quietly allowed to walk out of the building with three Brian Haddad Show t-shirt, a case of butterscotch krimpets, and a pack of half-eaten Dorritos he found in the prize closet.

“He originally demanded a gassed up helicopter take him to Philadelphia International Airport, where a private jet be waiting to take him to Acapulco, but when that was rejected he settled for a $15 gift certificate to Jim’s Steaks,” a station employee reported.

At press time, Innes was sitting outside in the parking lot in his Nissan Altima, staring at his cell phone and contemplating if he should call 97.5 The Fanatic.

Philly sports talk radio rocked as “97.5 FM Host Mike Missanelli” revealed as fake
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Scandal! Popular radio host Mike Missanelli revealed as a hoax.

Philadelphia, PA – The jig is up.

In a scandal that may rock the popular sports talk radio station to its core, 97.5 FM producers Jason Myrtetus and Pat Egan have revealed that infamous 97.5 FM mid-day host “Mike Missanelli,” a stereotypical Italian dunderhead who appeals to the lowest common denominator, is in actuality a fake character cooked up by Egan.

Egan said he created the character in the early 2000s when “he” first appeared on then 610 WIP. Thought of as a one-shot character designed to infuriate listeners and garner hatred throughout the city, Egan was surprised when 610 hired him to reprise the character on a daily basis as a host.

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Pardon My Take says Sam Bradford’s name three times, summons Anthony Gargano to show
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The lover of incredible meats.

Philadelphia, PA – After levying several shots against Big Cat and PFT Commenter for their recent GQ feature, the Pardon My Take podcast hosts summoned Fanatic Morning Show Host Anthony Gargano to their studio (apartment) after saying Sam Bradford’s name three times into their bathroom mirror.

Gargano spent the good portion of a segment this morning wondering why GQ Magazine would publish a feature on the popular podcast hosts and chastising his producer for “fawning all over Big Cat” when he met him in person.

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Bernie Sanders: Thank you for keeping Mike Missanelli away from me during the DNC
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Sanders bringing down the house at the DNC.

Philadelphia, PA – An energized Bernie Sanders appeared at the Democratic National Convention this afternoon and congratulated the city on hosting a world class event, while also having the foresight to ban blowhard and Philadelphia embarrassment Mike Missanelli from city limits for the duration.

Sanders noted that if he even caught whiff that Missanelli was trying to re-enter the city during the DNC, he would hunt him down and run him over with his campaign bus.

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Mike Missanelli bound, gagged, dumped at city limits prior to the start of the DNC

20091224_fm400Philadelphia, PA – Fanatic midday host Mike Missanelli was reported as missing this morning by 97.5 FM management, after two well-dressed hired goons threw a sack over his head while he was walking into the radio station and tossed him into the back of a nondescript utility van.

After a nearly 35 minute drive, in which the host was tossed around the back of the van as it took several sharp turns at high speed, he was unceremoniously dumped out of the back of the van by the city workers.

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