Could Steve Spurrier be the next head coach of the Philadelphia Eagles?

Philadelphia, PA – The Old Ball coach, having just announced his retirement from college football, may just be on his way to professional football.

Numerous sources have contacted the Coggin Toboggan that have said Jeff Lurie reportedly desires Spurrier to be the next head coach of the Philadelphia Eagles.

Several pro football analysts went on record and said Spurrier would be a “perfect head coach” for the Philadelphia Eagles, who have grown stale and predictable under head coach Chip Kelly.

Kelly still has several years left on his contract, but sources are saying Lurie would “do anything” to get spurrier onto the team.

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NFL denies Eli Manning’s request to wear pink panties for rest of season

New York, NY – Representatives for the National Football League have officially denied quarterback Eli Manning’s request to wear a pink thong for Monday night’s game against the Philadelphia Eagles, and for the remaining games in the 2015-2016 season.

Manning officially made his request to the league office today, asking for special permission to wear the pink Victoria’s Secret “Date no-show thong” under his official uniform for the remainder of the season.

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Chase Utley’s alleged takeout slide of Marcus Hayes in Phillies clubhouse explains so much

Marcus Hayes, blowhard journalist who writes for the Daily News, has long held a grudge against Chase Utley for reasons unknown to anyone in this city. Hayes criticized Utley for his use of profanity in the 2008 World Series Championship Parade and for his declining play. In addition, Hayes felt there was a lack of “criticism” directed at Utley from the Philadelphia fan base, when, in his opinion, black players such as Jimmy Rollins and Ryan Howard were criticized on a daily basis.

Hayes, to the surprise of nobody, continued his criticism of Utley after Saturday night’s incident that saw Utley break Ruben Tejada’s leg during a double play turn. For the past 24 hours Hayes has taken to his Twitter account to denounce Utley’s “dirty” play.

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Charlie Manuel shares homespun yarn about time he shredded Bobby Grich’s knee

Yeeeee ha!

Philadelphia, PA – Charlie Manuel entertained the hosts of the MLB Radio Network yesterday with a heartwarming, country yarn about the time in 1972 he shredded every single ligament in all-star short stop Bobby Grich’s knee breaking up a double play turn in a regular season game against the Cardinals.

The jovial manager defended Chase Utley’s actions from Saturday night, describing his style of play as “hard nosed” and “tougher than a bronco with a burr in its saddle.”

“He’s one of the best I’ve ever coached. He made some of the prettiest plays I’ve ever seen this side of the Blue Ridge Mountains,” Manuel said in a delightful southern drawl that made so many fall in love with him in Philadelphia.

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Exclusive: Chase Utley pens own appeal and we have a copy

Chase Utley, who is facing a two-game suspension for his takeout slide of Ruben Tejada during a double play in Saturday night’s NLDS game against the Mets, filed an appeal today of his punishment, which will be heard by Major League Baseball before the beginning of game two for tonight.

However, Utley is taking an active part in his appeal, as the eloquent second baseman wrote his own appeal and emailed it to MLB representatives this afternoon, including Joe Torre, the Executive Vice President for Baseball Operations for Major League Baseball.

The Coggin Toboggan has procured a copy of Utley’s appeal. Should the second baseman be suspended for tonight’s game for his role in the slide that broke Tejada’s leg, or does his heartfelt appeal letter make you feel better about his role in the incident?

See it for yourself after the jump.

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Local Eagles Analyst proclaims “If they don’t score here, it’s over”

Philadelphia, PA – Terry Allings, watching yesterday’s Eagles game from his couch on 6th and Fairmont in Northern Liberties, skillfully proclaimed the Eagles were “going to be in big trouble” after watching the team struggle against the New Orleans Saints.

Using his years of experience playing Madden Football and watching Red Zone, Allings nervously looked at his friend and proclaimed “if they don’t score here, it’s over.”

Allings audibly sighed after a 2nd and 5 hand-off only went for three yards.

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Angelo Cataldi sheepishly returns Mark Sanchez jersey to back of closet

Philadelphia, PA – Several attendees of the Cataldi family weekly Eagles party confirmed yesterday that a sheepish Angelo Cataldi attempted to change back into a Sam Bradford jersey he had enthusiastically shed after the first quarter of the Eagles games Sunday afternoon.

Reports claim Cataldi began the game in his Bradford jersey, but threatened to remove the garment after Bradford’s first interception was thrown on the Eagles second possession of the game. After Bradford’s second red zone interception before the end of the first quarter, Cataldi reportedly made a “huge deal” about how he “was finished with Bradford” and stomped upstairs to his bedroom.

When he returned, he was wearing a Mark Sanchez jersey and vociferously began calling for Bradford’s benching.

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Bobby Hoying reappears, demands starting quarterback job with Eagles

Philadelphia, PA – Bobby Hoying barged into the NovaCare Complete this morning, shaking hands with players and introducing himself as “the new starting ball slinger for this sorry ass state of a football team.”

Last seen fleeing the premises of the Wells Fargo Center after the Wing Bowl in January to welch on a $10,000 gambling debt, Hoying said he had to “cool his heels” down in Mexico and reinvigorated his game taking part in one of the Mexican cartel’s American Football teams.

“I had my head on the chopping block after pissing off the wrong hombre down in Mexico, when luckily one of those amigos remembered me from my days with the Oakland Raiders. As luck would have it, their starting quarterback had been executed gangland style after showing up light a few kilos come payment time and ol’ Bobby got the job,” Hoying said.

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Snickers the Possum no longer works for this company, but we found a replacement

Snickers the Possum.

Editor’s Note: Snickers the Possum was one of the worst football analysts we have ever seen. What were we thinking? A possum that speaks who tries to use his powers to analyze football games? He was just AWFUL. All four game predictions incorrect, just horrible puns and jokes about being a possum….he just could not have been more annoying and irritating. Not to mention the days he would come into the office and lie on the floor for hours at a time, pretending to be dead….WE KNOW YOU’RE ALIVE SNICKERS, STOP KIDDING YOURSELF.

Now we’re not saying Snickers the Possum will never come back, he very well may come back at a later date, but right now we think it’s time to make a change. So without further delay, we’d like to introduce our newest football analyst….

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Undercover sting may derail Howard Eskin’s potential run for mayor

Philadelphia, PA – Howard Eskin’s bid to run for the Mayor of Philadelphia took a big hit yesterday, as the 94 WIP sports talk host was embroiled in a massive undercover sting at the Hilton on Penn’s Landing.

The man who claims he’s never had a bad day in his life certainly had a difficult one yesterday, as grainy black and white video cameras captured him speaking with an undercover Philadelphia police officer posing as a fur salesman.

The evidence is quite damning, as Eskin discusses the purchase of several faux fur coats with the undercover officer.

“Now this one right here is made of rat fur, but it looks exactly like chinchilla. Nobody will ever know the difference and I could let it go for about $100,” the officer tells Eskin, who nods in appreciation as he feels the fur of the garment.

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