Rob Ellis

Applying for the 97.5 Fanatic on-air Midday Host open position

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The hunter has become the hunted.

Look who has come crawling to the Coggin on their hands and knees, practically BEGGING for an infusion of talent for their dying station. Our tipsters forwarded this job opening to us this morning….you think you could keep something as huge as this quiet without us knowing, Fanatic? We see all…we are all.

Job opening: 97.5 the Fanatic On-Air Midday Host.

I weep for those who plan to send in an application. The job is mine. Case closed. Can you imagine The Coggin infiltrating the 97.5 Fanatic offices? Mike Missanelli will be cowering under my boot heels within the hour.

I would hold the very position Rob Ellis once held….OH SWEET IRONY. One host a spineless, jellyfish of a man and the other a human dynamo with overflowing charisma and fabulous hair…fathers lock up your daughters, no pair of panties will go unsoaked as I strut to the studios every afternoon (I apologize profusely to any woman who had to read that last sentence).

Much like the leaflets dropped on Dresden prior to its firebombing (timely reference) I’m giving everyone at 97.5 the Fanatic fair warning that I will be applying for the position and I will be hired. Don’t like it? TAKE IT UP WITH MANAGEMENT. I’ll rule the station with an iron fist, but I will be a benevolent ruler. Anyone ever hear of a little something called Wacky Hat Wednesday?

Let’s go through the job requirements one by one after the jump.

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97.5 the Fanatic has announced the midday replacement for Rob Ellis

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In a stunning programming decision this afternoon, veteran midday host Rob Ellis has been let go by 97.5 the Fanatic after several years of service to the sports talk station. Ellis notified his listeners at the conclusion of today’s show, explaining that it would be his last with the Fanatic and his co-host Harry Mayes.

It did not take long for the station to find his replacement, as 97.5 the Fanatic station representatives officially announced that an old Breakfast on Broad coffee mug would be Ellis’s permanent replacement for the midday show.

The mug’s last hosting duties included a brief guest host spot on Ellis’s Comcast Sports Network morning show when Ellis was out sick with the flu for a week. The show experienced its highest ratings during the mug’s guest hosting spot.

“We feel the mug will allow us to put forth the best programming we can for our listeners,” 97.5 the Fanatic Program Director Matt Nahigan told the Coggin Toboggan.

The show will go on hiatus for the next week with the mug taking on full hosting duties Monday, July 24.

What asinine questions will Rob Ellis and Harry Mayes ask LaVar Ball? A gambler’s guide

ellisandmayesheadshot2hero1Harry Mayes and Rob Ellis announced today on Twitter that LaVar Ball, father of NBA rookie Lonzo Ball, would be joining their show in the afternoon for what will NO DOUBT be a groundbreaking interview that won’t have listeners turning off their radios across the Delaware Valley at record setting paces.

Day late and a dollar short, fellas. I’m sure a producer burst into Rob Ellis’s office this morning, too frazzled to speak clearly, to tell hi about his big “get.”

Producer: “Mr. Ellis…I….I…..oh god, give me a second.”

Ellis: “This had better be good, god damnit, to interrupt me during my personal reflection period.” (puts down an old Breakfast on Broad script, wipes the tears away from his cheeks)

Producer: “I just got off the phone with LaVar Ball’s people. Yes, THE LaVar Ball. He can do the show.”

Ellis: “The annoying has been father that has worn out his 15 minutes of fame with every media outlet across the country?”

Producer: “The very one.”

Ellis (looks up silently to the ceiling): “This is the moment I have been working towards my entire life. Leave me be, I must prepare my cliched and unoriginal line of questioning that every sports talk host across the globe has already lobbed at this moon faced dullard. ”

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Rob Ellis and Mike Missanelli blaming millennials for the decline of Philadelphia sports is hell on earth

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The beast of hell walks among us in the clothes of a common man. If the demon should reveal its true face to you at a time when you have turned away from Christ, then you will be without protection, & it will gleefully devour your heart & rend you limb from limb & carry your immortal soul into the yawning pit.

I have foreseen how I will die. I have had a vision of my undoing. An overweight, out of touch jowly man and his sniveling, bland, milquetoast toadie disembowel me while opining about the shortcomings of the millennial generation.

So it shall be, so it shall pass.

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Embarrassed Rob Ellis ejaculates before he can predict week 5 of Eagles 2017-2018 schedule

rob-ellisMoments after predicting an Eagles victory of the San Diego in week four to improve their record to 4-0 on the year, 97.5 Fanatic Midday show host Rob Ellis stiffened his hips and then groaned erotically on-air before he could begin delving into the week 5 match-up against the Arizona Cardinals.

For several minutes after, listeners were treated to Ellis’s deep, contended breathing and nothing more.

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Is it too late to get that Breakfast on Broad mug I was promised MONTHS AGO?

bob2By now you’ve probably heard that the cornerstone of morning sports shows in Philadelphia, Breakfast on Broad, may be on its last legs. WHAT A FALL FROM GRACE!

Young, dynamic hot shot Rob Ellis overwhelmed the hearts and minds of this city 20 months ago. Not a single pair of soccer mom panties weren’t SOPPING after Ellis invaded their kitchen nooks each morning. The ladies swooned, the men wished they were him, and the city was his oyster.

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Breakfast on Broad spec script, my ticket to the bigs
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Now we’re in the big time.

So we’re about a year and change into the Coggin Toboggan and I have to admit that I figured by now I would be living the high life. Fame, fortune, women….oh my goodness the women, nothing turns a woman on more than a man who runs a successful blog.

But here we are and nothing has changed. Sure I live in a lovely home, have a great wife and a kid on the way, but somethings missing.

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Editor’s Note: Congrats to Kimmo, but where’s our cup?
Kimmo Timonen in a moment of triumph, but where is our Cup?

Kimmo Timonen in a moment of triumph, but where is our Cup?

Sure it was a great site last night. Kimmo Timonen, longtime Flyers defenseman  traded to the Blackhawks prior to this year’s playoffs, realized his professional dreams and finally was able to hoist the Stanley Cup at the age of 40. It was a triumphant moment as the veteran broke into tears after kissing the cup, realizing his career was coming to an end on top.

But I ask you, where is our cup?

And when I say “our cup” I really mean “my cup.”

And when I say “cup,” I don’t mean the Stanley Cup. What I mean is my Breakfast on Broad mug promised to me by the fledgling CSN morning show.

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Anthony Gargano co-hosts the afternoon drive with Mike Missanelli, fired from 97.5 FM
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Oh well, fired again. Maybe Breakfast on Broad will be better?

Philadelphia, PA – In a surprise turn of events, Anthony Gargano, former sports talk radio host on 94.1 WIP for many years before his release in late 2014, co-hosted the afternoon drive with Mike Missanelli on 97.5 FM yesterday.

“We are here to change the face of Philadelphia sports talk radio! We are looking forward to entertaining Philadelphia fans for years to come!” Missanelli said. “And now I’m receiving word that Anthony has been fired. Anthony, please leave the studio right now.”

Gargano was then handed a shredded copy of his new contract and told to vacate the premises immediately.

“Hey, he gave it a good shot, but Gargano just didn’t cut it on 97.5 the Fanatic,” said Matt Nahigian, program direct for the station. “We felt we got a good enough overview of him as a potential host from his four hours of programming with us. Now get the hell out of here.”

Gargano, a self-proclaimed lover of meats, was escorted by security from the station’s premises before his belongings were strewn about One Bala Plaza. One of the guards punted a copy of Gargano’s book, “NFL Unplugged: The Brutal, Brilliant world of Professional Football” into a nearby creek before the fired host could pick it up off the ground.

The day was not completely lost, however, as Rob Ellis, former 94.1 WIP host and a former co-host with Gargano, offered him an internship on his new morning television show, Breakfast on Broad.

Ellis warned Gargano the position it would most likely only last a month or two.

“Oh, I fully expect the show to be cancelled by then,” a confident Ellis said.

94 WIP promotes Rob Ellis to coveted 5 a.m. timeslot
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“Rowdy” Rob Ellis, really cutting it loose in his 94 WIP station photograph.

Philadelphia, PA – Citing the need for an experienced radio veteran to kick off its morning coverage, 94 WIP program director Spike Eskin announced Tuesday that Rob Ellis would be promoted from his bi-monthly 3 a.m. radio show to a twice weekly 5 a.m. position.

Ellis will be on the air each Monday and Friday from 5 to 5:30 a.m. With breaks, Ellis will be on air for a grand total of 9 minutes.

Upon hearing of his “promotion,” Ellis was said to have sighed deeply and then looked lovingly at a replica rifle mounted on the station’s wall.

“We really feel this is a great spot for Rob. He’s shown he can handle some adversity this year, and we think this will be a great lead in for Angelo Cataldi and the Morning Show,” Eskin said. “You can get into some salient sports talk in 9 minutes, believe me.”

Eskin said it will be Ellis’s duty to gain ground in the “Insomniac and cocaine addict” demographic so dominated by 97.5 the Fanatic.

It’s been a trying few months for Ellis, as he lost his mid afternoon drive position with Anthony Gargano to Josh Innes and Tony Bruno. He was demoted to the 6 to 10 p.m. position, and then to a 3 a.m. slot twice a month.

His station parking spot was also given to the sandwich truck Josh Innes frequents on a daily basis.

“Rob’s a professional. I’m looking forward to seeing what kind of a product he can put out there twice a week for us. He knows what he’s doing,” Eskin said.

After agreeing to the deal, Ellis was told he will also be responsible for three live reads a show, which will reduce his on-air sports talk time to three minutes a show.