Harry Mayes and Rob Ellis announced today on Twitter that LaVar Ball, father of NBA rookie Lonzo Ball, would be joining their show in the afternoon for what will NO DOUBT be a groundbreaking interview that won’t have listeners turning off their radios across the Delaware Valley at record setting paces.
Day late and a dollar short, fellas. I’m sure a producer burst into Rob Ellis’s office this morning, too frazzled to speak clearly, to tell hi about his big “get.”
Producer: “Mr. Ellis…I….I…..oh god, give me a second.”
Ellis: “This had better be good, god damnit, to interrupt me during my personal reflection period.” (puts down an old Breakfast on Broad script, wipes the tears away from his cheeks)
Producer: “I just got off the phone with LaVar Ball’s people. Yes, THE LaVar Ball. He can do the show.”
Ellis: “The annoying has been father that has worn out his 15 minutes of fame with every media outlet across the country?”
Producer: “The very one.”
Ellis (looks up silently to the ceiling): “This is the moment I have been working towards my entire life. Leave me be, I must prepare my cliched and unoriginal line of questioning that every sports talk host across the globe has already lobbed at this moon faced dullard. ”
How is this a big get? LaVar Ball’s fat face has been seen on television nonstop for months now, what more could these two titans of sports talk radio potentially mine out of this negligent, possibly mentally handicapped father?
I shall NOT be listening to the interview (because I have too much self respect), but I can guarantee you that most of, if not all of these questions, will be asked during the “interview.”
Let’s put some money odds on these questions, shall we? Least likely to most likely.
- “Yesterday was the anniversary of Evander Holyfield biting Mike Tyson. Where were you when it happened? (+$500)
- So how do you know if you’re a big baller? Are we big ballers?” (+$300)
- “How many shoes have you sold so far? Isn’t the price too high? (-$120)
- “Do you REALLY think you could beat Michael Jordan one on one? Come on now!” (-$500)
- “What would you have thought if the 76ers drafted Lonzo? Did they ever approach you?” (-$1,000)
- Ending the interview early because LaVar Ball is terrible. (-$10,000)
Let us know on Twitter how many of these we get right, please and thank you.