The solution to Philadelphia’s budgetary problems?
Philadelphia, PA – The Philadelphia City Council and Mayor Jim Kenney announced a new tax proposal Tuesday night to help fill gaps in the 2017-2018 city budget.
After substantial blow back to a proposed sugary-drink tax, the council and Kenney proposed a Mike Missanelli douche-bag tax to fund city schools and promote healthy living as part of the mayor’s budget package.
Philadelphia, PA – Tragedy befell the popular 97.5 FM Morning Show’s Meat Locker segment this morning, as host Anthony Gargano and special guest former Philadelphia Phillie Kevin Sefcik were accidentally locked in the sub zero studio and suffered varying degrees of hypothermia.
The popular segment, which sees Gargano and the 97.5 Morning Crew interview a former Philadelphia athlete from the past, is actually held in a real meat locker cooled down to -5 degrees Fahrenheit.
Philadelphia, PA – The members of the 97.5 FM Morning Show team offered listeners their predictions for the Eagles 2016-2017 season record a day after the team schedules were announced.
Host Anthony Gargano predicted the Eagles would finish their season at a record of 7-9, but announced his decision to change his prediction roughly 5,000 times before the season actually begins this September.
Larry Brown looking to be in fine fettle.
A decrepit Larry Brown hoisted his living corpse from his eternal slumber to call into the 97.5 FM Morning Show and predict a Villanova victory in the NCAA championship match up against UNC.
The SMU coach cackled into his telephone as he provided his analysis of the championship game to host Anthony Gargano.
Philadelphia, PA – Continuing a long established tradition of ugly as sin radio hosts having problems with attractive plus-size models being on the cover of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit edition, jowly senior-citizen Mike Missanelli today decried the fact that Ashley Graham DARED to appear on the hallowed ground that is the SI Swimsuit cover.
The sunken eyed goon went on the rant against Graham during his 97.5 Fanatic afternoon show just hours after the ghoulish, gargoyle like Angelo Cataldi said virtually the same thing during his morning show on 94 WIP.
Citing that he could see “curvy women at work,” Missanelli worked himself into a froth as his mighty jowls audibly slapped against his double chin during the segment. The wrinkled mass of cellulite and gabagool said it was disrespectful to the history of the SI swimsuit issue, while his turkey neck swung hypnotically for all to see.
Onlookers noted clumps of Missanelli’s cheap hair plugs began to fall out all over his desk and microphone during the rant.
At press time, Missanelli said SI should adhere to higher standards and respect themselves more in the future, while simultaneously sending a homophobic email to a critic and another series of sexist tweets to Michelle Beadle.
Frank “The Animal” Bialowas, in happier times.
The 97.5 Fanatic offices are currently in a complete lockdown, as Frank “The Animal” Bialowas has taken over the Morning Show after ruthlessly beating host Anthony Gargano and humiliating co-host Jon Marks after the mid-90s Phantoms goon took offense to a comment made on-air during his appearance.
Bialowas’s appearance started off amiably, with Gargano tossing him several softball questions about his playing days and queries about “if he was a true lover of incredible meats or Anthony’s Coal Fire Pizza.”
The interview, however, took an ugly turn after Gargano brought up a rumor that has dogged Bialowas since his playing days.
Philadelphia, PA – Mike Missanelli, host of a popular afternoon drive show on 97.5 FM the Fanatic, is entering hour number 15 of being trapped inside his show vault.
The seasoned veteran sports talk host accidentally locked himself into his own hacky bit, where he “opens the vault” and plays pre-recorded clips of callers “going off” on various topics of the day. Missanelli was fetching the latest batch of “hilarious, off-the-wall calls” for the bit and accidentally swung the vault door behind him and has been trapped for more than 15 hours.
Jason Myrtetus, producer for the Mike Missanelli Show, said he heard Mike screaming for help behind the 15-inch thick steel vault door.
The Coggin Toboggan has received information from its sources at both sports talk station about tomorrow’s popular sports talk shows. We have received some very rough prep sheets about what each show will be discussing tomorrow.
Obviously these could change, so if not all of the items are touched on during the shows you’ll know why.
94 WIP
Morning Show
Just one month after an anonymous source sent The Coggin Toboggan the ratings books for the end of August, ANOTHER anonymous, but different, source sent us the books for the first half of September and the leader may surprise you.
The two big players at each station, Josh Innes at 94 WIP and Mike Missanelli at 97.5 the Fanatic, AGAIN did not play into the top four ratings leaders for this month. Last month’s leader, Brian Haddad at 94 WIP, was far behind the ratings behemoth who dominated the first two weeks of September.
Big Daddy Graham, WIP host from 2 to 5 a.m., toppled ratings leader Haddad with a 23.6 share of the coveted 25-54 male demographic that is so highly sought after for advertising.
I’ve paid more attention to the Philadelphia sports talk landscape this year than I would care to admit, but the shows are an absolute goldmine for material that literally DOZENS of you read every single day. There are several brands of shows on 97.5 the Fanatic and 94 WIP and most of them follow the same format they’ve followed for years.
But then there are the outlier shows, like the 94 WIP mid day show, that seem to garner a lot of attention and vitriol for DARING to do something different. People can’t stand Josh Innes for trying anything new. They’d rather listen to the same nonsense day in and day out from comfortable hosts who follow the same formula each day.
And you know what? It works. These guys make a comfortable living doing the same thing every single day. So why can’t I get in on the action? This is a script of the GREATEST Philadelphia sports talk show currently not on the air. How can the two big stations in this city not contact me after reading this gold?
This is a microcosm of how the show will run each day. I guarantee it will bring in a 35 share every day (whatever that is).
I think the show would go a little something like this…..
The Coggin Toboggan 