Philadelphia City Council proposes Mike Missanelli tax


The solution to Philadelphia’s budgetary problems?

Philadelphia, PA – The Philadelphia City Council and Mayor Jim Kenney announced a new tax proposal Tuesday night to help fill gaps in the 2017-2018 city budget.

After substantial blow back to a proposed sugary-drink tax, the council and Kenney proposed a Mike Missanelli douche-bag tax to fund city schools and promote healthy living as part of the mayor’s budget package.

The penny-per-douche excise tax, if approved, will go into effect in 2017. 97.5 The Fanatic will be charged one-cent per every horrendous opinion, Sopranos reference, old-school Italian slang usage, reference to Italian culture, criticism of a Flyers fan, a reference to “the vault,” taking the opposite side of the popular opinion just because, talking with Sal Pal, and thousands of other crutches that Missanelli depends on to get through each show.

“We are going to a source where this is substantial profit,” Kenney told New York Times op-ed columnist Mark Bittman. “If approved, our budgets could receive upwards of $95 million annually to help support our schools and improve our infrastructure. Frankly, it’s just common sense and good government to make sure this gets through.”

“Beside, Mikey Miss is just the worst, I think we can all agree on that. Yeah, we get it, you know Charles Barkley. Get over yourself.”

Political pundits throughout the country have applauded the proposed tax as “ground breaking” and a great way to “really show that blowhard at 97.5 FM a thing or two.”

“Frankly, if I hear one more reference to his stupid cat I’m just finished,” said James Carville. “This is a great way to punish the idiocy on that inundates the Philadelphia sports talk airways every day and benefit the city at the same time.”

At press time, Missanelli addressed the tax and rambled one for more than 10 minutes about how it was “just like the Pine Barrens episode of The Sopranos.”

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