Chip Kelly

Report: Sam Bradford does not deny freelancing, changing plays on offense

The gunslinger, just doing what needs to be done to win a football game.

Philadelphia, PA – Chip Kelly has confirmed reports coming out of Sunday’s game against the Cowboys that Sam Bradford freelanced several of the play calls sent into his huddles.

“Sam went off script and blatantly disregarded several of the calls I made during the game. We’ll get it corrected going into next week against New York,” Kelly curtly said at a press conference Monday afternoon. He did not take anymore questions on the matter.

Bradford, however, was much more forthcoming about his “improv” during the game Sunday afternoon.

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The Eagles are a full-blown orphanage fire

Oh the humanity!

After I retrieved my laptop from the front yard after ceremoniously hurling it through my front window, I started to think about what best represented the Eagles performance yesterday against the Cowboys.

A dumpster fire, of course, came to mind, but I didn’t think that accurately described how horrible they were yesterday. A dumpster fire is just a bunch of garbage on fire. Sure it’s smelly, but nothing of value is lost in a dumpster fire and when it goes out nobody thinks about it again.

They weren’t a dumpster fire.

The Eagles are an orphanage fire.

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94 WIP Morning Show swamped with fair, level-headed callers this morning

Philadelphia, PA – The phones were ringing off the hook this morning at the 94 WIP studios, call screeners reported, as thousands of well meaning and optimistic Eagles fans hoped to express their well wishes and congratulations on a hard-fought game for their hometown squad.

“Sure it was disappointing, but you know what? They played their hearts out last night and I’m very proud of them. It’s just as good as winning, if you ask me.” said John from Fishtown, who called in around 7 a.m. this morning. “And Sam Bradford? Sure he had a rocky
start, but I believed in him all along and he showed you some good stuff. He didn’t get the victory, but how can you not be impressed by his comeback story? Does some great work for charity also.”

“My prayers go out to Cody Parkey. That kid tried his best and things just didn’t go his way, it’s not a big deal. What are you going to do? You can’t win every game,” he said, before excusing himself to hang up.

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The Coggin Toboggan predicts Philadelphia sports all the way from Europe

I’m not from here! I have my own customs! Look at my crazy passport!

Please listen to the song after the page break at full blast while reading. Yes it is obligatory, do not read until you listen to this at least 10 times to get in the proper mood to read an article from an ignorant American who is tired of being in Europe.

We’ll wait.

The Coggin Toboggan has gone to Europe. Coming at you LIVE (not live) from Copenhagen, Denmark.

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Lesean McCoy blames ‘racist’ hamstring for injury

Buffalo, NY – Despite reports claiming Buffalo Bills running back Lesean McCoy will not miss week 1 of the regular season, the star running back didn’t hesitate to speak with reporters about his hamstring injury.

“I don’t have to explain myself to nobody, but I’m just saying my hamstring had a huge hand in my injury,” McCoy said. “You only see my hamstring hurting me, a black man, and no white players, am I right? I don’t know how else to put it, but it’s definitely got a problem with me.”

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Lesean McCoy: ‘Travis Long tore his ACL because Chip Kelly is a racist’

Buffalo, NY – Lesean McCoy just couldn’t help himself in the first week of Buffalo Bills training camp, as the former Eagles running back opened up yet again about his perception of Philadelphia Eagles head coach Chip Kelly.

“I’m not saying anything, nah, I’m not saying anything at all,” McCoy said after the conclusion of yesterday’s practice. “But do you see any of the white linebackers tearing their ACLs down in Philadelphia?”

When asked what he meant by his comments, McCoy said he “didn’t have to explain myself to nobody. Nobody.”

The stunned media didn’t follow up with anymore questions, but that didn’t stop McCoy from continuing.

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Marcus Smith thrilled to get chance to underwhelm fans, coaches at training camp

The soon to be unemployed Marcus Smith.

Philadelphia, PA – Following the news that OLB Travis Long had torn his ACL for the second time in three seasons, second year OLB Marcus Smith knew this would open doors for him in training camp.

You never want to hope for the injury of another teammate, but the opportunity is not lost on Smith.

“I can’t wait to get out on the field and show the coaches what I did over the off season,” Smith told reporters Thursday morning. “I don’t want to go too much into my training regiment, but let’s just say I got up to 20 pushups and over 50 jumping jacks at my absolute peak. Do you think anyone else here can do this?”

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Eagles hope to reach short-term extension with Sam Bradford’s hospice care provider

Philadelphia, PA – Eagles front office representatives confirmed Tuesday morning that officials were working closely with Sam Bradford’s agent to agree on a short-term extension with the quarterback’s hospice care provider.

“Based on Bradford’s latest workout and physical examination, we don’t believe we should invest in a long-term extension at this time,” a front office rep said, preferring to remain anonymous.

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Nelson Agholor totally stoked for camp to begin

Philadelphia, PA – Nelson Agholor, Eagles wide receiver draft pick out of USC, expressed his excitement to finally get to camp next week and enjoy a little bit of mother nature.

“I heard they have this awesome rope swing that totally swing you out over a pond and launches you like 100 feet up into the air. I’m definitely going to do that first. And then I’m going to go over to the archery range and check that out. I bet I’ll be super, super good at it. I kick butt with my Nerf set at home,” Agholor said.

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In which we try to get invited to Lesean McCoy’s apparent sex party

Lesean McCoy made headlines yesterday when an invitation for his around the clock sex party hit the internet. The former Eagles running back clearly made it known he would only approve women over the age of 21 to the party and no males.

We decided to see if we could get an exclusive invitation to his female only sex romp and created a fictional “woman” who would try to gain access. Thus, SallyBoneZone69 was born.

McCoy obviously runs a tight sex party ship, so after we sent an initial RSVP request we received an automated form asking “Sally” to send over a picture to confirm her gender. We replied with a picture, and immediately received a request for a G-Chat session from the screen name “LMcCoy25BB,” which was obviously McCoy. We accepted, and the following is our conversation with McCoy.

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