Lesean McCoy made headlines yesterday when an invitation for his around the clock sex party hit the internet. The former Eagles running back clearly made it known he would only approve women over the age of 21 to the party and no males.

We decided to see if we could get an exclusive invitation to his female only sex romp and created a fictional “woman” who would try to gain access. Thus, SallyBoneZone69 was born.

McCoy obviously runs a tight sex party ship, so after we sent an initial RSVP request we received an automated form asking “Sally” to send over a picture to confirm her gender. We replied with a picture, and immediately received a request for a G-Chat session from the screen name “LMcCoy25BB,” which was obviously McCoy. We accepted, and the following is our conversation with McCoy.

McCoy: Hey girl, what’s up. Thanks for sending over the RSVP. You’re a fine hunny, you know that?

SallyBoneZone69: Ohh well thank you Lesean. It seems like a fun night! I was wondering exactly what will be going on at the party, you know, what should I wear? Prepare for? Should I contact my lawyer?

McCoy: Nah girl, you’re all good. You don’t have to do any of that. All you need to do is bring your sweet self over to the community center in downtown Buffalo. Don’t tell anyone else where it is, it’s a private event.

SallyBoneZone69: The community center? That doesn’t seem to be too posh for a private party. What exactly is this event?

McCoy: Girl, let me ask you a question, have you taken the Lord Jesus Christ as your personal savior?

SallyBoneZone69: What?

McCoy: You heard what I said. Have you opened up your heart to Jehovah? Girl, you got to get with the Lord. We’re going to be preaching and praying until the wee hours of the morning, praise God!

SallyBoneZone69: Wow, this is not what I expected. Kind of lame, to tell you the truth. There’s nothing more scandalous?

McCoy: Nah girl. You don’t need scandal when you have God on your side. After it’s over we can go door to door and spread the good word. It’s going to be banging.

SallyBoneZone69: Wait a minute….you’re a Jehovah’s Witness aren’t you?

McCoy: Guilty as charged. Jehovah is the only true God, the creator of all things, and the “Universal Sovereign.” You have to change your life if you want to get the afterlife, girl! No more birthday parties, no more Halloween, you’re living in sin, you’re awash in it. Word up!

SallyBoneZone69: Holy shit you are annoying. Is this how you trick people into letting you talk to them?

McCoy: You know it. You gotta get yourself to a meeting if you want to be saved, Sally.

SallyBoneZone69: Wait a minute, this is why you got traded from the Eagles, isn’t it?

McCoy: They just couldn’t handle the truth of God, they weren’t ready to be saved! So what do you say, want to touch the sky, in a purely religious sense of course?

—

That ended our conversation with McCoy. Sally is a good woman and turned him down, besides she really felt like an Orthodox Jew to us.

Even if it wasn’t a scandalous sex romp, this seems even worse. No wonder he was traded.