76ers

Balloon-obsessed oddball wants to trade you balloon Embiid for some “tools”
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Sup’

Here’s a great idea that definitely won’t end up with you begging for the sweet release of death in a murder dungeon…show up to this guy’s house with a brand new miter saw and trade it for Balloon Joel Embiid.

A gentleman who describes himself as a “balloon prodigy” posted an ad on Craigslist over the weekend to lure an unsuspecting 76ers fan into his home with power tools for the chance to trade for what he describes as a “life-sized balloon sculpture” of Joel Embiid.

Here’s what his ad says:

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A Phillies ticket waiting list could generate millions in revenue for the franchise

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Earlier this week the 76ers instituted a new “Club 76” waiting list and a tiered membership program for fans clamoring to buy season tickets. The highest tiered program allows fans to pay a fee of $76 to jump those not in Club 76 in the waiting list for season tickets.

The program has ruffled some feathers in the city, but the Phillies should take note of their across the street neighbors and create a waiting list of their own. Charge a fee, and  revenue will roll in hand over first for the franchise.

Seem unlikely? Hear me out. This is a billion dollar idea I’m giving away for FREE…if I don’t receive a phone call from one of the 953 owners of the Phillies I’ll be very insulted.

We’ll call it “Club 10,799”. Fans pay a nominal fee of $200 to join. Seem steep? Wait until you see what benefits a club membership gives you access too.

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Donald Trump Jr. releases email chain decrying Joel Embiid as “elite prospect”

gettyimages-646335232Donald Trump Jr. has found himself in hot water this morning after he released a four-page email chain in which the son of President Donald Trump apparently discussed the “overblown hype” the media had bestowed on uber-popular 76ers center Joel Embiid.

Trump Jr. discussed the delicate subject matter with a Russian contact direct after the NBA draft last month.

Trump Jr. released the following statement on his twitter account after several media outlets published stories alluding to his damning conversation about the transcendent talent that will elevate the 76ers to glorious heights the likes of which 76ers fans have never seen:

“To everyone, in order to be transparent, I am releasing the entire chain of emails I had with Ron Goldstone on June 23, 2017, a day after the NBA draft, who was relating a request from Emin, a person I knew from the 2013 Russian Basketball Super League 1, who offered to provide me with crucial analytical evidence that proved Joel Embiid did not deserve to win the NBA rookie of the year award and would be a middling center for the Philadelphia 76ers.”

The emails are included after the jump:

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Twitter recap: Markelle Fultz is the best….and the worst

DEBVBk2XgAEgwraTwo games in, just two games in to Markelle Fultz’s professional basketball career (if you can call the NBA Summer League a “Professional League.” Anyone who isn’t a rookie playing in these games will be exiled back to their home countries in shipping containers and never heard from again…or Dante Exum, for some reason) and Twitter already has some STRONG opinions on his play.

Nevermind that he’s played less than a games worth of minutes so far in his career. We’re coming off the Fourth of July, so it’s our AMERICAN RIGHT to declare Fultz a savior of Philadelphia or a complete bust already. I wouldn’t have it any other way. You think they’re doing this up in Canada? I don’t think so….USA USA USA USA USA ::Hacksaw Jim Duggan thumbs up::

But, for fun, let’s analyze some tweets from fans and “professional analysts” who already have some STRONG opinions on Fultz’s game.

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76ers are falling for an obvious Furkan Korkmaz email scam
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You have to get up pretty early in the morning to pull one over on us, Furkan.

The 76ers are getting scammed by an overseas huckster.

It’s right in front of their faces. It’s right in front of the face of anyone getting excited over the idea of a foreign savior coming overseas and playing for the 76ers.

Let me explain.

You get emails in your junk folder everyday, right? Poorly written messages from an unknown, overseas foreigner reaching out to you to let you know that a long lost relative of yours has passed away in Burkina Fasso and has left you MILLIONS of dollars in their will! HOLY SHIT! All you need to do is send a few thousand dollars to an address by Western Union to pay for the processing fee for such a large sum of money to be transferred to you and the millions are yours.

Eagerly you send the money…what luck! Hours pass…days pass…months pass…and you never hear from the beneficiary again. You were scammed and you were scammed good. Greed got the best of you.

Sounds familiar with this Furkan Korkmaz business, doesn’t it?

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New 76ers nickname confirmed by the source, officially “Right said FREDS”

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We don’t make the rules, Philadelphia. The 76ers official nickname is no longer The Feds, but has been changed to Right said FREDS: Too Sexy for this Game (Fultz, Redick, Embiid, Dario, Simmons).

It’s not up to me. We entered into a pact with Right Said Fred, and that’s a pact we will take to our GRAVES.

Bow down to the 2017-2018 Philadelphia 76ers, the Right said FREDS: Too sexy for this game.

So it has passed, so it shall be.

The 76ers FEDS nickname stinks, so why won’t our suggestion of Right Said FREDS catch on?
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I see nothing problematic with this at all.

Leave it up to CSN Philadelphia to completely suck all of the fun out of the NBA draft by suggesting the absolute dumbest nickname for the 76ers young core of exciting players. The FEDS? Fultz, Embiid, Dario, Simmons? Get the hell out of here. That’s awful.

But look, we’re not about tearing down at the Coggin, we’re all about building up. We’re not just going to trash an idea, no matter how idiotic and stupid it is, without at least offering a viable alternative. Good game, good effort CSN, but let the professionals take over from here.

There’s only one possible solution to this problem and it’s the simplest.

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Breaking down a minute of the most EXTREME, flop-sweatiest take on The Process ever recorded
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EXTREME HAT TILT from Gabe Morency.

Sometimes the Gods smile upon you, my friends. This gem was went to us on Twitter via @rfmchenry1371, a segment from “SPORTS RAGE” starring Gabe Morency. The show, as far as I can tell, stars a stammering bald man, well into an eight-ball of coke (allegedly), YELLING his opinions into a camera in front of an empty faux sportscenter set.

It’s EXTREME. It’s YELLY. It’s SWEATY. Oh my goodness, there is so much sweat. But I guess you do sweat an awful lot when you have such EXTREME, MUSKY takes.

The entire segment is nearly 4-minutes long. Four long, agonizing minutes of a man drowning to death during a taped segment. Rumor has it the CIA originally planned to use this as a tool to extract information from terrorists, but too many of them chewed through their wrist veins and bled out before giving anything up.

I don’t have the strength to break down the entire four-minutes, but it’s well worth it to watch until its conclusion.

Let’s all enjoy this train wreck after the jump:

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Destructive RT Armageddon wreaks havoc through Philadelphia sports media

tumblr_mou8y9bxwc1sqwnloo1_500The unthinkable happened on Monday afternoon, as a destructive RT Armageddon wreaked havoc through the Philadelphia sports media, cutting swaths of destruction through the flimsy, half-thought out takes from the past.

The Armageddon, which officially rated as an 8.2 on the Eskin scale, crumbled and exposed the worst past opinions on the popular Sam Hinkie “Process” from Philadelphia sports media members.

According to Twitter experts, it was the largest RT Armageddon Philadelphia has experienced since the Andy Reid firing of 2012.

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I hate the 76ers trade for the #1 pick

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Like Robert Johnson at the crossroads, this blog has a life changing decision to make. Which direction does our blog take? Do we take the deal with the devil, or do we forge another path?

This brings us to the reported trade 76ers GM Bryan Colangelo pulled off over the weekend. Giving the Boston Celtics the #3 pick this year and either the 2018 Lakers 1st round pick or the 2019 Sacramento 1st round pick for the #1 overall pick this year and the rights to draft Markelle Fultz?

I hate this trade. Absolutely despise it.

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