Here’s a great idea that definitely won’t end up with you begging for the sweet release of death in a murder dungeon…show up to this guy’s house with a brand new miter saw and trade it for Balloon Joel Embiid.

A gentleman who describes himself as a “balloon prodigy” posted an ad on Craigslist over the weekend to lure an unsuspecting 76ers fan into his home with power tools for the chance to trade for what he describes as a “life-sized balloon sculpture” of Joel Embiid.

Here’s what his ad says:

“I don’t know how or why but I am some sort of balloon prodigy, I can make literally anything out of balloons. Ridiculous giant balloon sculptures are great for parties, as a gift or just to leave on someone’s porch as a weird and confusing joke. I left a 5 foot T. rex in the first unlocked car I could find and I still laugh about it every day. I can deliver most sculptures by car but large structures like a castle or working balloon pub would need to be finished on site.
Lifesized balloon sculptures take all day to make and can run into the thousands of dollars from party companies most of whom don’t offer anything so customizable to begin with. I am looking to trade for tools. I got bored with balloons and am moving on to make things out of wood.
I am especially interested in: Jointer/planer, Miter saw, A better miter gauge for my table saw, Impact driver, Router bits or accessories and Oscillating multi-tool.

Joel Embiid’s real eyes.”

(the last sentence may or may not be made up.)

You know what table saws are good for? Cutting through the sinew and bone. Why do you think he needs a new one? They jam pretty easy when you spend all day long cutting through human flesh and creating life-sized balloon sculptures that look nothing like their counterpart.

If Joel Embiid ever goes missing, I beg the police to start their search in the basement of the guy who posted this ad. He’ll be found in 5 minutes.

Anyone ever see “The Thing” by John Carpenter?

 

He’s infected! It’s mid-transformation, kill it, kill it with fire!