Chip Kelly

A Chip Kelly and Lesean McCoy play, in one act

Hey, Lesean, pssttttt…. I heard you were complaining about how bad this Winter has been in Philadelphia.

Hey coach…uhhh….I guess it’s been a bit cold, yeah, nothing too bad.

WELL ENJOY SPENDING THE REST OF YOUR LIFE IN BUFFALO, YOU SON OF A BITCH! YEEEEEHAAAAA!

::Wink::

Damnit.

My god, what is happening in this city. So many trades in the span of two weeks, my brain can’t handle it. Lesean McCoy to Buffalo, WHAT IS GOING ON? Kiko Alonso in an Eagles uniform, yet another Oregon player brought in my Chip? Sweet jesus…my heart can’t take this.

Nate Allen depressingly believes Eagles opening up cap space to re-sign him

Nasty Nate Allen.

Philadelphia PA –Unrestricted free agent Nate Allen appeared overjoyed and even a bit cocky this afternoon, believing the release of cornerback Cary Williams was a preemptive move to clear cap space to re-sign the trod upon safety that has played in 74 games for the Eagles over the past five seasons.

“Sure, I view that as a positive sign,” Allen said to a group of reporters that had just finished interviewing Williams as he exited the team complex. “They have some cap issues and they needed to work it out before contacting me for a new contract. It’s not that hard to understand, guys.”

(more…)

Mel Kiper updates Eagles 2015 draft

Many think Jason Peters will represent the Philadelphia Eagles in the upcoming draft.

Philadelphia, PA – ESPN’s Mel Kiper has released the latest version of his 2015 NFL draft and has the Eagles sending starting left tackle Jason Peters overseas to fight in the Vietnam quagmire.

Peters will likely begin in the reserves, Kiper said, but will be called up to the first starting infantry unit of the Fightin 105 to serve his country.

“Peters has the size and the elusive quickness that so many of our grunts lack out in the jungle,” Kiper said. “Stick an M16 in his hands and he’ll be a killer. He’s 6-feet, four-inches tall, and believe me, they do stack shit that high.”

Kiper said Peters needs to work on his war face before he can truly make a difference out in the shit, however.

Critics derided the potential pick and several seemed to think Eagles head coach Chip Kelly was leaning towards selecting Nick Foles.

“Outstanding, Private Foles, I think we have finally found something that you do well!” Kelly was heard yelling at Foles at a recent offseason workout as the quarterback worked on his deep balls. “Jesus H. Christ, you are definitely born again hard!”

Foles, however, may not be a great selection, said ESPN’s Sal Paolantonio, as he hasn’t been on best terms with his fellow teammates. A report leaked last week claiming that Lane Johnson led a “blanket party” after lights out, warning Foles not to mention anything because it was “all just a bad dream.”

As of press time, Foles was seen entering the team restroom after lights out with a reported crazy look in his eyes.

Angelo Cataldi celebrates 25 years in Philadelphia

Rhea Hughes and Al Morganti pretending to enjoy Angelo Cataldi’s company.

Angelo Cataldi, host of the massively popular 94 WIP-FM Morning Show, celebrated his 25th anniversary in Philadelphia sports radio today. The popular radio host celebrated this morning alongside his longtime co-hosts Al Morganti and Rhea Hughes, as they took a look back on his nearly three decades of service to the station and his journey to become the top Philadelphia sports radio host of all time.

Lets celebrate Cataldi’s anniversary by taking a look back at some of his career highlights from the past 25 years:

– Angelo Cataldi originally applied for a position with the 610 WIP cafeteria staff, but the station GM misread the portion of his resume where he listed cooking “Radio Toast” under past experience and hired him as on-air staff.

– His longstanding feud with afternoon host Howard Eskin was squashed in 2010 when the two were found smooching in a back booth at Ponzio’s diner.

– Calls Morganti each morning to coordinate outfits.

– Was originally planning to cheer Donovan McNabb when selected by the Philadelphia Eagles in the 1999 draft, but reportedly changed his mind when McNabb stole his parking spot before the draft and insulted his pre-owned 1992 Dodge Neon.

– Originally pitched an annual event called the “Wing Bowel,” which would have seen competitors eat 100 chicken wings and then time how long they could hold off from going to the restroom.

– “The Angelo Cataldi Show” on Comcast Sportsnet had its highest ratings ever when 27 people tuned in to watch the episode where Bill Barber put Cataldi in a headlock.

– Co-host Keith Jones once found Cataldi eating a DiNics roast pork sandwich on a mens room toilet when he should have been conducting a live read for Steven Singer.

– Pretends he won’t turn on Chip Kelly the moment the coach fails to win a Super Bowl.

BREAKING NEWS: Eagles to make a run at “QB Eagles” in 2015 draft

The Philadelphia Eagles have significant interest in drafting QB Eagles (pictured above) from the Tecmo Super Bowl league.

Philadelphia PA – Reports from an unnamed source are saying Chip Kelly and the Philadelphia Eagles are planning on making a historic run at the heavily vaunted “QB Eagles,” who declared his eligibility for the draft after a 24th consecutive dominant season in the Tecmo Super Bowl league.

Currently picking 20th, NFL draft guru Mel Kiper said it would take a significant haul for the Eagles to leapfrog up to number 1 or number 2 in order to select the talented quarterback.

“I don’t see the Eagles having enough bullets in the chamber to move up. I think they’d need to offer a package of at least their next two first round picks and maybe even Fletcher Cox to rise in the draft,” he said.

Kelly made it no secret earlier in the season when he praised QB Eagles for his unique ability to zig-zag through hapless defenders and his odd, but effective, habit of running all the way back to his one-yard line before launching a perfect spiral 100 yards into the waiting hands of a wide receiver.

QB Eagles demonstrating one of his trademark touchdown celebrations.

Perhaps the only knock on QB Eagles is his perceived immaturity and penchant for showboating, as after almost every touchdown he performs an exaggerated fist pump in the face of the opposing defenders or leaps into the waiting arms of an offensive lineman, finger pointing triumphantly in the air.

“Really, the only prayer the Eagles would have of QB Eagles dropping to them at their current position is if Bo Jackson from the Los Angeles Raiders declared himself eligible for the draft,” Kiper added.

The CT will update its readers on more news as it develops. Also, the CT acquired an organizational scouting report on QB Eagles, which can be read below.

The Coggin Toboggan

The finest Philadelphia sports blog spewed from the mind of an alcoholic