Nate Allen depressingly believes Eagles opening up cap space to re-sign him

Nasty Nate Allen.

Nasty Nate Allen.

Philadelphia PA –Unrestricted free agent Nate Allen appeared overjoyed and even a bit cocky this afternoon, believing  the release of cornerback Cary Williams was a preemptive move to clear cap space to re-sign the trod upon safety that has played in 74 games for the Eagles over the past five seasons.

“Sure, I view that as a positive sign,” Allen said to a group of reporters that had just finished interviewing Williams as he exited the team complex. “They have some cap issues and they needed to work it out before contacting me for a new contract. It’s not that hard to understand, guys.”

Representatives at the Novacare Complex reported a general sense of pity and bewilderment at the 27-year-old safeties comments about returning to the team next year.

When asked for a comment in regards to Nate Allen’s contract situation, Chip Kelly made a farting noise and slammed his office door in a CT correspondent’s face.

Allen has been showing up all offseason at the Novacare Complex to work out, and has been chased away more than several times by team security.

“Guys, seriously, why would they be doing this if it wasn’t to re-sign me and work out a new contract? I think this is going to be a big payday for old Nate,” the exuberantly deluded, soon to be out of football athlete said.

As of press time, Kelly was reminding Allen to remain 100 feet away from him at all times as he walked to his car in the parking lot.

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