Hi, Uncle Coggin here! Gang, have you ever wanted to enter the exciting world of Philadelphia sports talk radio, but you have no discernible talent, journalist integrity, and absolutely no ability to string together a coherent, unique thought of your own?
Well if that’s the case, than how do you not already have your own show on WIP or the Fanatic?!
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This Sunday the WWE is hosting its best pay-per-view of the year. The organization’s ROYAL RUMBLE is BY FAR the best PPV the wrestling brand puts on every year, with pops and surprises that no other event can top.
So as always we decided to COMPLETELY rip it off with our own Royal Rumble.
For those unfamiliar with the concept, a “Royal Rumble” consists of 30 wrestlers entering the ring every two minutes in an all-out, every man or woman for themselves brawl. The entrants are eliminated when thrown over the top rope, and the final man (or woman) standing wins the event and gets to headline Wrestlemania.
What better way to honor the WWE’s best show by putting on our own knock-off event with far less athletic and far, FAR LESS famous contestants that are flimsily connected to Philadelphia in the thinnest ways possible? SOUNDS FUN TO ME!
Of course, as its done the past four years in a row, The Coggin Toboggan hosts its own annual All-Philadelphia Royal Rumble on the Friday before WWE’s event, completely overshadowing the real deal with its complete lack of morals, its utter depravity, and absolute disregard for human life and well being. As always we’ve invited 30 of the most ruthless and knuckle dragging Philadelphians to bash each others brains in for minimal glory, absolutely no prize money, and a dark spot on their careers they’ll never be able to erase.
Literally one of the first rules of journalism that you’re taught as a striving, young reporter is to never make the story about yourself.
Joe Santoliquito must have skipped that day of class at Gudger Journalism Tech Correspondence School.
In a BIZARRE appearance with Angelo Cataldi on the WIP Morning Show, Santoliquito stumbled, bumbled, and fumbled his way through a near 19-minute interview in which you could AUDIBLY HEAR Al Morganti restraining himself from jumping over the studio console and throttling the quivering mass of jelly for a haphazard and poorly written piece of “journalism.”
Near the end of the interview, Santoliquito takes a bizarre stance on the article and how he’s the best thing Wentz has going for him.
“Guess what? I’m the best thing Carson Wentz has ever had going for him. You know why? You don’t think this is going to piss him off even more? You don’t think this is going to motivate him even more, to stick this up someone’s little tail and just say, hey listen pal, you’re wrong. Everybody else that believes what you said and wrote is wrong.”
Do you hear that? That’s the sound of a journalist who desperately wants to make the story about himself. You can listen to the entire interview right here.
It’s like Santoliquito had visions of parading through Broad Street in 2020 after the Eagles Super Bowl victory, the Lombardi Trophy in his hands, as Wentz thanked him for all he did.
“I couldn’t have done it without you Joe. You were right all along, you motivated me to be a better person, to get over my ego, to become a better teammate, to become a better man….and a better lover,” Wentz would say, and then softly caress the bearded journalists cheek and give him a tender kiss on the mouth.
You can dream, Joe, but something tells me you’re not going to be allowed in the Eagles locker room past this week.
Last night, Markelle Fultz bricked his first shot…and his second…and had his third shot blocked….and absolutely bricked his fourth shot in front of 20,000 rabid fans hoping to see some glimpse of promise from the touted prospect during the 76ers home opener.
I watched from my couch, cringing, waiting for the fickle fans to cascade the struggling shooting guard with boos, to let their frustrations out on the 20-year-old.
It never happened.
Instead, 20,000 fans cheered heartily when he made his fifth shot of the night, upping the volume with every point he scored, and going absolutely BALLISTIC when he finally made a three-point shot deep into the fourth.
Listen to the house come down when he drains this shot.
Awesome. It’s almost like cheers for a 20-year-old struggling with both his confidence and his shot are better than drunken morons booing him during the second game of the season. Who knew?!
They’re doing for Fultz what they did for the terribly slumping Pat Burrell in 2003. They recognize that the effort is there, and they’re pulling for their guy. Burrell came out of it and is BELOVED in this city, there’s no reason Fultz can’t as well.
But but but but Coggin, I hear the five of my dedicated readers saying, it’s our right to boo as fans! How will we let our teams know when they’re under performing, when they’re playing poorly, or when we’re displeased with the effort?
Now now, I’m not saying the boo should be abolished. But maybe, just maybe, it’s time for Philadelphia to finally *GASP* not be brain-dead idiots when we decide to boo.
It’s a tall order for a lot of you, but I know we can do it. Booing is a mental crutch for this city. Lets start walking again. We don’t need it.
If you haven’t heard it by now, Gabe Kapler’s impromptu interview this morning with Angelo Cataldi on the 94 WIP Morning Show was quite good. Angelo, despite his many, MANY detractions, knows what makes good radio and can conduct a hell of an interview.
Our friends over at Crossing Broad have the full audio if you haven’t heard it already.
Kapler and Cataldi go back and forth over a recent Cataldi column in “Philly Voice,” in which Cataldi criticizes the way GM Matt Klentak put together this year’s roster, going as far as to call Klentak “incompetent.”
Is he wrong? Maybe not, but the team was never viewed as contending this year and did outperform a Vegas win prediction several games. They did have a 14-win improvement over the abominable 2017 season and seem to be trending in the right direction.
Kapler of course defends his team and the GM, sparring with Cataldi over a very interesting and professionally conducted 13 minute interview.
But here’s where my skin bristles and the bile rises in the back of my throat.
You’d think the 94 WIP programmers in charge of keeping Angelo Cataldi-Bot 2.0 current would have given him a much needed software update after the Eagles won their first Super Bowl against the Patriots this past February.
Hook him up to the computer, download the latest patch to keep him churning for another year, and let’s at LEAST get some new, incorrect takes from this dinosaur.
Here is is assessment from last night’s loss to the Patriots. Bear in mind, this is the preseason. It means absolutely nothing.
https://twitter.com/AngeloCataldi/status/1030387477339693056
Huh….wha? Didn’t the Eagles win a Super Bowl? Are we really turning on this team, this coach, TWO GAMES INTO THE PRESEASON?
Well, ok. Let’s be honest though, Angelo is a professional sports analyst. Maybe he’s seeing something that we’re not? Maybe we should be worried going into this year?
I’m sure Angelo didn’t share the same worries in the 2017 preseason, right? He, of all people, surely saw that Doug Pederson had this team trending in the right direction?
Let’s see what he had to say last year after the jump.
If you’ve been following the saga of Meisha Johnson and @GregfromPotmac on Twitter, you’d know by now that we’re OBSESSED with the fact that Greg tweets the same picture of a vase of roses to countless female newscasters across the country and seems to be quite smitten with CBS 3’s weather girl.
Earlier this morning we wrote about Greg pitching some woo to Meisha. This led us to investigate his twitter feed and discover his ELEGANT use of a vase of roses picture to sweep women in the media off their feet.
Case in point:
https://twitter.com/GregfromPotomac/status/839859599935225858
CLASSY!
We reached out to Greg earlier today for answers:
In true baller fashion, Greg got back to us and we’re entirely in his corner now. Meisha, you must date this man IMMEDIATELY:
What a perfectly sane answer! Greg, we salute you.
Old man Angelo Cataldi continues to have one foot out the door to his retirement and dipped back into his bag of tricks this morning, summoning CBS 3’s weather girl Meisha Johnson to the WIP Morning Show studios to make sure she receives her recommended daily dose of the heebie jeebies and grill her on her love life.
It’s a tired bit and just an excuse for Cataldi to “help” Meisha “put on her headphones,” but my heart always skips a beat and the sky looks even more blue when this pops up on my twitter feed.
https://twitter.com/MeishaCBS3/status/907933422290685952
There is nothing better in this world than reading the responses from WIP listeners to Meisha Johnson on Twitter.
Nothing.
Better.
Now, usually I’ll go through these tweets and pick out the best ones, but today is different. The very first tweet sent to Meisha is from a listener @gregfrompotomac who “playfully” encourages Meisha to reveal their relationship on air.
Oh ho! I see what you did there, Gregory! Just some “cute” flirting about the “relationship” you have with Meisha. Well done sir! I’m sure the WIP Morning Show gang will get a good laugh out of it.
Hmmm…maybe we should take a quick look at Gregory’s twitter feed, see what else he’s been up to. Probably just a one time tweet to Meisha to be cute, right? Yeah, probably, nobody would make this a habit, right? RIGHT?!
In 1969, Elizabeth Kubler published her seminal book on death and dying, titled…err…”On Death and Dying,” which first put forth the idea of the “Five Stages of Grief.” While working with terminally ill patients, Kubler observed that patients typically traveled through “five stages” after being diagnosed with a terminal illness.
Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance have become the widely accepted stages of terminally ill patients and has been expanded to people going through traumatic or life changing events. While the stages may be different for each individual, the theory has proven to be a valuable tool in helping those coping with tremendous stress and anxiety in their lives.
Sounds like an Eagles fan to me.
After years of great wailing and gnashing of teeth watching the Eagles flounder through season after season, I’ve identified the classic five stages every fan experiences watching one of the most inept franchises in the NFL fuck its way through lost season after lost season.
Maybe just stick to comedies while waiting for flights, ehh Josh?
Philadelphia, PA – Josh Innes arrived at the TastyKakes Studios Wednesday morning with an apology card and a gift certificate to FUBU for his co-host Hollis Thomas for “no real particular reason.”
“Can’t a guy just buy something nice for one of his best friends in the world? There’s no underlying motive here other than equality…equality and understanding,” Innes said.
The Coggin Toboggan 