Tom Brady

Boston sports talk host Alex Reimer may want to refrain from calling Tom Brady’s kid a ‘pissant’

You know, I’m sure WEEI’s Alex Reimer was just feeling his oats on Thursday. He’s part of the popular Kirk & Callahan Boston sports talk radio show, he gets to chat with Super Bowl bound quarterback Tom Brady on a weekly basis, he probably thought he had even built up a bit of a rapport with the famously mercurial Brady. Brady’s a dad, he knows his kid can be annoying sometimes, right?! I  mean, he’d probably get a kick out of a joke teasing his daughter for her behavior in that “Tom vs. Time” documentary. They’re buddies now, right? It will be great!

Oh Alex, no. No,  it will not be great. Don’t do it….don’t you dare do it.

 

He did it. Reimer, you poor son of a bitch.

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Nation spends morning dry heaving into bucket

giphyAbout 99% of the population spent this morning huddled up next to a bucket, eyes closed, hair hanging dangerously close to the fetid liquid in said bucket, dry heaving mercilessly as their bodies had no more matter to expel from their wasted bodies.

Stomachs heaved and heads were put back into said bucket as the nation recalled the 25 point comeback pulled off by the Patriots in arguably the greatest Super Bowl ever played in the history of the NFL, cementing Brady and Belichick as the greatest coach and quarterback duo of all time.

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Talk about a real Deflategate! Tom Brady delayed to Super Bowl LI due to flat tire

tom-brady-ten-years-10-21-15Houston, Texas – Sometimes the truth is definitely stranger than fiction!

Tom Brady experienced another “Deflategate” this afternoon as he drove down I-45 to NRG stadium and his Lexus blew a tire, delaying the star quarterback’s arrival to the stadium by several minutes.

Brady’s black Lexus reportedly careened into the guard rail before coming to a rest on the shoulder of the highway.

Guess that tire was a little under-inflated, am I right! Hope Roger Goodell doesn’t find out his tire was under the suggested PSI or his car may get suspended for the rest of the season!

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Editor’s note: Was it too much to ask for a mumps outbreak?

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Where was the mumps virus when we needed it the most?

When The Coggin Toboggan wants to get serious it turns its coverage over to its editor and founder to bring everything to a screeching halt. Goodbye funny, say hello to self pity and depression.

Like the majority of Americans last night, I could not have cared about either team competing in Super Bowl XLIX. Pete Carroll is a 9/11 truther nut job, Bill Belichick is a curmudgeon who looked like he enjoyed the victory for all of 2.3 seconds before setting his sights on next season, and not a single player on either roster I wished to see have any type of success.

But, unlike so many fans I’ve heard complain about the game and those that wished injuries or even death upon the participants in last night’s Super Bowl, I say relax. It’s just a game people, there’s no reason for such negative thoughts!

That being said, I don’t think I’m asking too much when I say I wish a mumps outbreak had spread like wildfire throughout both locker rooms.

Look, Mumps is rarely deadly in adults (1 in 10,000 will die according to WHO), so I think we all could have felt a lot better about the outcome if every single member of each team and coaching staff had contracted the virus at halftime and incubated until the game was over.

Just think about it. We would have had the enjoyment of the game (which was thrilling) but when the virus stopped its incubation period at the final whistle and its symptoms began to appear, it would have been double the fun!

Just imagine, NBC cameras broadcasting a swollen throat Tom Brady desperately trying to take a celebratory sip of champagne, but being in too much pain to do so. Or maybe Richard Sherman face down on Seattle’s bench, too weak to move, as confetti showers down over him, sticking to his sweat soaked fever skin?

Maybe even, if we were lucky, Pete Carroll cursing God as his body is wracked with muscle aches because he had refused a Mumps vaccination, fearing it would give him autism?

At the very least I would have enjoyed seeing Robert Kraft keel over in his suite, surrounded by loved ones also clutching their swollen throats. Not dead, obviously, but at least in some discomfort.

That, ladies and gentlemen, is the Super Bowl we all deserved.