Nation spends morning dry heaving into bucket

giphyAbout 99% of the population spent this morning huddled up next to a bucket, eyes closed, hair hanging dangerously close to the fetid liquid in said bucket, dry heaving mercilessly as their bodies had no more matter to expel from their wasted bodies.

Stomachs heaved and heads were put back into said bucket as the nation recalled the 25 point comeback pulled off by the Patriots in arguably the greatest Super Bowl ever played in the history of the NFL, cementing Brady and Belichick as the greatest coach and quarterback duo of all time.

“Unghhhh god…why didn’t they just run the ball and kick the field goal. Stupid, stupid, stupid…urpp…here it comes….” the nation reportedly said, as it surprisingly expelled some remaining half digested five-alarm chili into the rancid slop bucket.

“Fucking Falcons,” the nation reportedly muttered as it laid its head down on the cool bathroom tile.

“Fuck you Brady,” the nation gurgled, closing its eyes and hoping it was all a nightmare.

At press time, the nation reportedly started coughing up large globs of blood into the bucket as it thought about Bill Simmons jubilantly celebrating the win.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s