NCAA March Madness

REPORT: Yachting loafers kicked through TVs at a record high after Villanova loss

wealthy-people-on-a-jetYachting loafers, sailing shoes and boat shoes were kicked through televisions at an alarmingly high rate Saturday afternoon, correlating with the stunning upset of #1 Villanova by #8 Wisconsin in the NCAA March Madness tournament.

Reports coming in to the Coggin show brands of Sperrys, Nubuck Deck Shoes, Barque Deck Shoes and Cole Haan Boothbay Boat shoes were sent hurtling into 80-inch flat screen televisions at a shocking rate at the conclusion of Villanova’s 65-62 loss.

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Dave Hakstol reports Shayne Gostisbehere to FBI for running March Madness pool

051915_hakstol-dave_600Talented Flyers defenseman Shayne Gostisbehere was seen being escorted out of the Flyers practice facility in handcuffs this morning, as several federal agents led him to an unmarked black van as head coach Dave Hakstol looked on disapprovingly.

Gostibehere’s running afoul of the FBI was reportedly Hakstol’s doing, as the head coach made several calls to the federal agency earlier this week to make them aware of Gostibehere’s involvement running an NCAA March Madness pool for his teammates.

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Fran Dunphy has been chopping wood since 2 a.m.

fran-dunphyBrooklyn, NY – Several eyewitness reports have confirmed that Temple University Head Coach Fran Dunphy has been chopping wood in Central Park since 2 a.m.

Wielding a sparkling, double-edge axe passed down from his great grand pappy, the silent Dunphy has reportedly chopped down several conifers and a fully grown pine during the six hour marathon session.

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BREAKING NEWS: Somehow your bracket is already busted

ncaa-march-madnessYou woke up this morning at 8:20 a.m., all psyched to watch the games, but  the unfortunate news is that your NCAA tournament bracket, the one you spent hours researching and getting just right, has somehow already been busted.

You’re already mathematically eliminated from every pool you entered. Sorry about that.

The $25 per bracket you didn’t think twice about spending before the tournament started? It would have been better off being put in the bank, or donated to the homeless, or maybe put into a stock that would have paid out sweetly in 5 to 10 years. Maybe you would have gotten lucky and it would have supported your family for years to come. Guess you’ll never know now.

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Robert Durst’s NCAA March Madness predictions, slaughtering the competition since 1982

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Our NCAA specialist is back, baby!

Robert Durst, member of the famed Durst real estate family in New York City, is back to help us pick March Madness games in 2016. His resume was quite impressive, as he noted that he served as ESPN’s primary basketball handicapper for several years in the early 1980s and 2000s. 

Durst has run afoul of the law since last year, but he’s assured us that it is only a “misunderstanding” and he’ll soon be cleared of all charges. Franky, we can’t see why this affable and charming man has been jailed in the first place!

He’s assured us that he has had no prior run ins with the law before the difficulties last year. 

Typically charging an arm and a leg for his services, Durst has slashed his prices for the Toboggan and will be checking in before each round to give his unique take on the upcoming games.

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Fran Dunphy obviously giving motivational speech from Hoosiers

fran-dunphyPhiladelphia, PA – Just four days before their first round matchup against 7th seeded Iowa, Temple Owls head coach Fran Dunphy addressed his team after their practice Monday night and offered them several words about the upcoming NCAA tournament.

However, after several minutes it became quite obvious that Dunphy had taken 99% of the speech from the 1986 movie “Hoosiers” starring Gene Hackman.

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Villanova already in March Madness form

81bd7c9d1946838dad3efd90676f3b18Philadelphia, PA – After a disappointing Big East championship weekend, #2 seed Villanova looks to be in “vintage” form for the upcoming NCAA Championship tournament.

Steamrolling through the earlier rounds, the heavily favorited Villanova squad fell 69-67 in the Big East Championship round against Seton Hall.

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