West Virginia

Robert Durst’s NCAA March Madness predictions, slaughtering the competition since 1982

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Our NCAA specialist is back, baby!

Robert Durst, member of the famed Durst real estate family in New York City, is back to help us pick March Madness games in 2016. His resume was quite impressive, as he noted that he served as ESPN’s primary basketball handicapper for several years in the early 1980s and 2000s. 

Durst has run afoul of the law since last year, but he’s assured us that it is only a “misunderstanding” and he’ll soon be cleared of all charges. Franky, we can’t see why this affable and charming man has been jailed in the first place!

He’s assured us that he has had no prior run ins with the law before the difficulties last year. 

Typically charging an arm and a leg for his services, Durst has slashed his prices for the Toboggan and will be checking in before each round to give his unique take on the upcoming games.

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Robert Durst’s official NCAA March Madness prediction special, slaughtering the competition since 1982

Robert Durst, member of the famed Durst real estate family in New York City, will be helping us pick March Madness games this year. His resume was quite impressive, as he noted that he served as ESPN’s primary basketball handicapper for several years in the early 1980s and 2000s. We haven’t been able to get in touch with Robert since Saturday, but we’re happy to have him aboard!

If Robert Durst knows one thing and one thing only, it's mens college basketball.

If Robert Durst knows one thing and one thing only, it’s mens college basketball.

Typically charging an arm and a leg for his services, Durst has slashed his prices for the Toboggan and will be checking in before each round to give his unique take on the upcoming games.

Robert Durst: Thank you for having me. As you know, I requested this column to have my voice heard on something very important, to give my side of the story and to let people know the truth about Bobby Durst…that I am a fanatic about mens college basketball.

Each round I’ll be providing the CT with exactly what people are interested in me about, my above average prediction skills for the greatest tournament in the world.

I may not know where my first wife is, but I do know that a 16 seed has absolutely no chance to beat any of the 1 seeds this year. No jury in the world will convict me for that prediction.

I don’t know…I’d pick them all if I could ::starts to blink rapidly::

I’ll give you one upstart in the first round that I think has a change to get away with murder. It’s number 12 Buffalo over number 5 West Virginia. I have nothing against West Virginia, but the Buffalo Bulls are the MAC champs and took a lead against Kentucky into the second half a few weeks ago for a reason. They’re a solid team and have averaged 75 points a game for the season, I could see them sending West Virginia to an early grave this tournament.

Speaking of West Virginia, have you ever driven through there? Gorgeous country, plenty of deep lakes, forests that nobody could entirely search for weeks on end, plenty of sprawling marshland…it really is a paradise. You could go for miles without seeing a single soul…you could even let out a piercing scream until your lungs ran dry and nobody would ever hear you. It really is god’s country.

Well, that’s it for me. I can’t think of anything else. I’ll see you before the start of the second round.

The CT: Thank you Mr. Durst, we can’t wait to have you back.

Robert Durst: May I use the bathroom?

The CT: Of course sir, it’s two doors down to the left.

::Leaves the room, forgets he is still mic’d up::

Robert Durst: I can’t wait to kill them all.