Robert Durst’s NCAA March Madness predictions, slaughtering the competition since 1982

1406211497000-ap-fugitive-heir

Our NCAA specialist is back, baby!

Robert Durst, member of the famed Durst real estate family in New York City, is back to help us pick March Madness games in 2016. His resume was quite impressive, as he noted that he served as ESPN’s primary basketball handicapper for several years in the early 1980s and 2000s. 

Durst has run afoul of the law since last year, but he’s assured us that it is only a “misunderstanding” and he’ll soon be cleared of all charges. Franky, we can’t see why this affable and charming man has been jailed in the first place!

He’s assured us that he has had no prior run ins with the law before the difficulties last year. 

Typically charging an arm and a leg for his services, Durst has slashed his prices for the Toboggan and will be checking in before each round to give his unique take on the upcoming games.

Robert Durst: Thank you for having me back this year. Even though I’m currently incarcerated for a crime I did not commit, it means a lot to this old fire plug that you’d come back for my expertise in 2016.

You didn’t think I’d just up and disappear, did you? No, I would never do that.

But what the hell did I do? I killed them all, of course. That’s right, I murdered the competition last year when I told everyone who reads this distinguished blog that Michigan State University would make it to the Final Four.

There it is. You’re caught. Yes, I’m caught because I’ll have a huge bullseye on my back going into the 2016 tournament. No longer am I just a low strung, lovable basketball expert. This year I’m the best and nobody will take it away from me, or there will be consequences to pay.

But enough formalities. What are my thoughts on these first round games, you ask? You want a huge shocker? Something that no jury would believe in a million years?

I think #14 Stephen F. Austin has a great chance to bury #3 West Virginia in the first round. Now, I love West Virginia. Miles and miles of untarnished woodlands where nobody would ever find you or hear a scream in a million years…but I’ve spent several years in Texas and you can get away with a lot in that state, so I have to give the nod to Stephen F. Austin.

Theoretically you could also disappear for many, many years in Texas as well. Plenty of bodies of water to get rid of, well, unwanted things as well. Just remember to weigh them down, take it from ol’ Dursty.

I also like Temple University to upset Iowa in the first round. Iowa has been very disappointing and has let many people down with their play in the last month. They’re very much like an ex-wife you don’t enjoy anymore….you just hope they go away forever and nobody ever suspects you for a thing.

Well that’s it for me. Thank you very much for allowing me to bring my picks back to The Coggin again this year.

The CT: Thank you Mr. Durst, we can’t wait to have you back.

Robert Durst: May I use the bathroom?

The CT: Of course sir, it’s two doors down to the left.

::Leaves the room, forgets he is still mic’d up::

Robert Durst: I can’t wait to kill them all.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s