Robert Durst, member of the famed Durst real estate family in New York City, will be helping us pick March Madness games this year. His resume was quite impressive, as he noted that he served as ESPN’s primary basketball handicapper for several years in the early 1980s and 2000s. We haven’t been able to get in touch with Robert since Saturday, but we’re happy to have him aboard!
Typically charging an arm and a leg for his services, Durst has slashed his prices for the Toboggan and will be checking in before each round to give his unique take on the upcoming games.
Robert Durst: Well, there it is. You’re caught. You’re right of course, should have listened to everyone else and not picked Virginia to get to the finals. What a disaster. They were right, I was wrong….and the burping. I can’t stop. Stupid Virginia, why did I pick them to get to the finals? I’ll never get over this. What the hell did I do?
Virginia’s game disappeared faster than my first wife.
I’ve never been more disappointed in my life than yesterday. Not even when Barbara was killed by me…I don’t mean “me” of course, I was talking about the journalistic “me,” the “me” in all of us, you know what I mean. ::blinking uncontrollably::
So I’m over it. Whatever. I’ll make sure that coach will never disappoint me again. Maybe even some of his players.
But on to better things. On to the Sweet 16. If I had to bet someone’s life on these games, I’d suggest taking a long hard look at Wichita over Notre Dame. Wichita St. absolutely murdered Kansas yesterday afternoon, ripping the hearts out of their fans.
I also really like Michigan State to advance to the Elite Eight. They’ll have an easier road to the dance now that Villanova is out. They’ll have an easier time than the gentleman who hid my first wife’s body in our backyard lake on Jan. 31, 1982.
The CT: Thank you Mr. Durst.
Robert Durst: May I use the bathroom?
The CT: Of course sir, it’s two doors down to the left. Please make sure you take off your microphone before going into the bathroom, you do remember what happened last time.
::Leaves the room, pulls out his own microphone::
Robert Durst: I can’t wait to kill them all.