Miami Heat

Miami Heat ticket sales update: In the arms of an angel, we can stop this cruelty

Less than five hours until tip-off to the first Miami Heat home playoff game, and there are STILL thousands of tickets available for sale, according to the team’s official ticketmaster page.

Look, this was all fun and games yesterday. Oh those wacky Heat fans, they just don’t care! But now? Well, now it’s just sad. Depressing, really. According to the page there are still 400+ general admission tickets available for purchase (at a TOTALLY RAD price of $69 a ticket) and nobody is biting.

Just look at this map of the Heat arena and all sections that still have tickets available for tonight. The blue sections are areas that still have tickets. Check it out after the jump:


Unsurprisingly, there are still plenty of great seats available for tomorrow’s 76ers game in Miami

Looking for a last minute vacation for you and all of your jackass friends from Philadelphia? Well then, let me be the first to suggest taking a trip down to Miami for game three of the 76ers and Heat NBA playoff series.

No no, don’t worry about getting tickets, THOUSANDS are still available to be bought just a mere 32 hours before tip-off!

Well, they have to be expensive, right? And there’s no way they can be purchased through the team’s Ticketmaster website, they’re probably only available through second-party websites at INSANE markups. It is, after all, the first home playoff game for the Heat this year, right?

Oh you poor ignorant slut. For the low, low price of $59 you and your idiot friends can attend tomorrow night’s game against the 76ers with a general admission ticket!


BREAKING NEWS: John Chaney chokes out Jahlil Okafor at Philadelphia airport

i_chaney_iJahlil Okafor was out before he even touched the ground.

76ers center Okafor is reportedly recovering at Jefferson  University Hospital after a reported attack by legendary Temple Owls coach John Chaney after the team charter touched down this morning at Philadelphia international airport.

Eyewitnesses reported Chaney jumped Okafor as the dour center walked through the terminal with several members of the 76ers coaching staff.

Chaney allegedly slipped an arm around the neck of Okafor and hooked his other arm around the young man’s biceps, slowly choking him out as the elderly coach dragged him to the terminal floor.


76ers already running out of victory confetti

76ers logoPhiladelphia, PA – After their fourth home-win in a row in the young season, the 76ers franchise is scrambling to re-stock the victory confetti it shoots out of giant cannons after every win at the Wells Fargo Center.

The organization only bought enough victory confetti to celebrate eight wins at home, an optimistic estimation by all standards prior to the beginning of the season.

“God damnit…mix in a win on the road, I do not want to have to call the supplier this early in the year, it’s going to blow our entire yearly budget,” said Thomas Kincade, 76ers Operation Manager.