Miami Heat ticket sales update: In the arms of an angel, we can stop this cruelty

Less than five hours until tip-off to the first Miami Heat home playoff game, and there are STILL thousands of tickets available for sale, according to the team’s official ticketmaster page.

Look, this was all fun and games yesterday. Oh those wacky Heat fans, they just don’t care! But now? Well, now it’s just sad. Depressing, really. According to the page there are still 400+ general admission tickets available for purchase (at a TOTALLY RAD price of $69 a ticket) and nobody is biting.

Just look at this map of the Heat arena and all sections that still have tickets available for tonight. The blue sections are areas that still have tickets. Check it out after the jump:


Pathetic. It’s beyond cruel to make the Miami Heat, an NBA team, play in front of such  lousy fans. So I think it’s time we introduce our newest organization to help save this once-proud franchise from its apathetic, overly tan fan base.

Before we make the announcement, please take it away Sarah.

Hello. Tonight, the Miami Heat will take on the 76ers in game three of the first round of the NBA eastern conference playoffs. Unlike the first two games of the series, this pivotal matchup will be held in front of a half-empty arena, witnessed by grandstanding Miami “fans” far too coked up and distracted by taking the perfect selfie for their “insta” page to actually care about what’s going on.

Can you stand by and do nothing? Do you wish you could do something to prevent this cruelty from taking place?

Hi, I’m Coggin, Coggin Toboggan CEO, and I’d like to take a minute to ask for your help to stop NBA fan-base cruelty this post season. These are proud men, they don’t need to be playing in front of 13,000 Bahama Mama drunk wearing white t-shirts in a pathetic attempt at unity. It’s sad and cruel that this still goes on today for a team in the postseason.

But you can help. For the low based donation of $69, you can send a Philadelphia transplant currently living in Miami to game 3. Nobody from Miami is actually going to go to this game, and if they actually show up they’ll be rolling so deep in Molly that they won’t even know the game is going on.

Do some good this postseason and help. Donations can be sent to or DM’d to @coggintoboggan on Twitter.

Please send donations up to tip-off, I’m sure tickets will still be available.

Let’s come together and end the cruelty. God Bless.

Also, do you want to buy one of these kickass Phila Unite shirts? You see them all over social media.


Now’s your chance. Follow the link below to buy one. Daddy needs his medicine.

Philadelphia 76ers Phila Unite Playoff Shirt

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