Looking for a last minute vacation for you and all of your jackass friends from Philadelphia? Well then, let me be the first to suggest taking a trip down to Miami for game three of the 76ers and Heat NBA playoff series.
No no, don’t worry about getting tickets, THOUSANDS are still available to be bought just a mere 32 hours before tip-off!
Well, they have to be expensive, right? And there’s no way they can be purchased through the team’s Ticketmaster website, they’re probably only available through second-party websites at INSANE markups. It is, after all, the first home playoff game for the Heat this year, right?
Oh you poor ignorant slut. For the low, low price of $59 you and your idiot friends can attend tomorrow night’s game against the 76ers with a general admission ticket!
Let’s take a look at the sections that have available tickets, shall we? This is a screen shot of the Miami Heat ticketmaster website taken on Wednesday, April 18, at 12:45 p.m. for the Thursday, April 19 game at 8 p.m. The sections in blue have available tickets.
That’s a lot of blue.
Now compare that with the available tickets for game 5 at the Wells Fargo Center on Tuesday, April 24, at 8 p.m. That’s almost a week from now.
The whole center bowl is already sold out! You can’t get a ticket for less than $92, and this is for the THIRD GAME at Wells Fargo Center.
Miami Heat, baby! FEEL THE EXCITEMENT!
To be fair, I’m sure they’ll manage to fill the arena at least 85% by tip off after giving tickets away at the last minute. They’ll put on their little white t-shirts for a “white out” or whatever racist term they cook up for it, and the Heat player introductions will receive a smattering of applause until the fans start to wonder why LeBron James and Shaquille O’Neal aren’t playing that night.
Some middling Miami Heat legend from the past (most likely Harold Miner for the 15th time that season because they couldn’t get anybody else) will cut the first line from the 8-Ball or whatever it is the hell they do to get the fans pumped up before the game, and the arena will be 75% empty with three minutes left in the third quarter because it’s 2 for 1 daiquiri night at Club CoCo Bananas on South Beach.
Leave basketball to the real cities, Miami, at least ones who can manage to sell out their general admission tickets to the first home game of the playoffs.
Want to buy one of these kickass Phila Unite shirts? You see them all over social media.
Now’s your chance. Follow the link below to buy one. Daddy needs his medicine.
The Coggin Toboggan 