The fireflies out in full effect.
Philadelphia, PA – The latest episode of WWE’s popular Monday Night Raw was found to be more realistic than the possibility of an Eagles Super Bowl victory by Phillip Thompson, 6, of Cherry Hill.
Thompson, who expressed legitimate anxiety that Roman Reigns would really be fired from the company if he did not defeat Sheamus in the night’s championship match, warned his father to temper expectations of the Eagles making a run in the playoffs, or even making the playoffs at the end of the year.
“I just don’t see it happening, really, they had a nice couple of games but I really think they don’t have much of a chance. Don’t be foolish, ” he warned his dad. “Wow, I hope Bubba Ray Dudley is okay, he went right through that table! I bet he broke his back and is going to be out for a long, long time. I wonder how he’s going to be back next week?”
Philadelphia, PA – In a stunning turn of events, WWE Chairman and Owner Vince McMahon delivered a shocking message to Philadelphia Eagles wide receiver Miles Austin, who has been sidelined with a concussion for the past three weeks.
McMahon finally revealed that it was him, it was him all along, the higher power who gave the oft-injured receiver his latest concussion.
The dastardly McMahon revealed the truth at last night’s Monday Night Raw. The jarring video was caught on tape. WARNING, the contents are disturbing.
The Coggin Toboggan remembers Rowdy Roddy Piper, who passed away last Friday (and because I’m at the beach, so fuck you, Roddy would have understood).
Here’s to you Roddy, thumb God in the eye and smash a coconut over The Grim Reapers skull for us, you will be missed.
We’ll have more on Hot Rod tomorrow.
After a decades long battle with his stardom and collective goodwill, Terry Bollea, aka Hulk Hogan, finally defeated his celebrity this morning with a big boot to the face and several leg drops.
Hogan reportedly “Hulked up” this morning after a controversial video surfaced in the media, shaking his fists and puffing his cheeks as he drew strength from deep within himself.
Hogan whipped his remaining goodwill into the ropes and delivered his patented Big Boot maneuver to the face of his opponent.
Putting a hand to his ear, Hogan bounced off the ropes and leaped high into the air, crashing down on what little of his celebrity remained.
Hogan pinned it for the 1, 2, 3 and the victory.
“This just shows and you can do when the Hulkster runs wild on the Jews! Say your prayers, eat your vitamins, and don’t marry any black men!” Hogan screamed into Mean Gene’s microphone after the match
Hogan celebrated with the remaining white members of the audience.
WWE broke all ties with Hogan after the match.
At the Coggin, we like to focus mainly on Philadelphia sports and national stories that catch our attention, but every now and again an athlete or a sports figure comes along that demands our respect.
This is why the Coggin has decided to form the Coggin Toboggan Hall of Fame, where we honor those that need to be honored, nay, those that MUST be honored.
So, we are proud to make the announcement of our first inductee into the Coggin Toboggan Hall of Fame. With this honor, this individual will receive all rites and privileges that come along with it, including but not limited too 25% off of all Coggin Toboggan merchandise* and three retweets from our official Twitter account of his or her choice.
Ladies and gentleman, the first member of the Coggin Toboggan Hall of Fame….
Charlie Manuel, the Coggin Toboggan salutes you. Not only are you our favorite Phillies manager of all time, you finally got that elusive Wrestlemania moment to truly cap off a fantastic career.
Relive Manuel’s road to Wrestlemania right here, and see how he made it to the greatest victory of his life over his former friend Ric “Nature Boy” Flair the past Sunday.
Santa Clara, Calif. – Battered and bloodied, Charlie Manuel could only smile to himself as he raised a bottle of Coors Lite to the 90,000 screaming fans celebrating his victory of Ric Flair this past Sunday afternoon at Wrestlemania 31.
The former Philadelphia Phillies manager toasted the fans as he stood triumphantly on the top turnbuckle, Flair still laying motionless on the canvas below him after the 45-minute iron man match finally concluded after Manuel had slapped the Nature Boy’s patented Figure-Four leg lock on him for nearly 5 minutes.
“I told him Ol’ Cholly didn’t take kindly to being double crossed. Maybe Naitch will think twice next time before he decides to interfere in my business again,” Manuel said, blood pouring from a 3-inch gash across his left eyebrow.