The Coggin Toboggan remembers Rowdy Roddy Piper, who passed away last Friday (and because I’m at the beach, so fuck you, Roddy would have understood).
Here’s to you Roddy, thumb God in the eye and smash a coconut over The Grim Reapers skull for us, you will be missed.
We’ll have more on Hot Rod tomorrow.
After a decades long battle with his stardom and collective goodwill, Terry Bollea, aka Hulk Hogan, finally defeated his celebrity this morning with a big boot to the face and several leg drops.
Hogan reportedly “Hulked up” this morning after a controversial video surfaced in the media, shaking his fists and puffing his cheeks as he drew strength from deep within himself.
Hogan whipped his remaining goodwill into the ropes and delivered his patented Big Boot maneuver to the face of his opponent.
Putting a hand to his ear, Hogan bounced off the ropes and leaped high into the air, crashing down on what little of his celebrity remained.
Hogan pinned it for the 1, 2, 3 and the victory.
“This just shows and you can do when the Hulkster runs wild on the Jews! Say your prayers, eat your vitamins, and don’t marry any black men!” Hogan screamed into Mean Gene’s microphone after the match
Hogan celebrated with the remaining white members of the audience.
WWE broke all ties with Hogan after the match.
At the Coggin, we like to focus mainly on Philadelphia sports and national stories that catch our attention, but every now and again an athlete or a sports figure comes along that demands our respect.
This is why the Coggin has decided to form the Coggin Toboggan Hall of Fame, where we honor those that need to be honored, nay, those that MUST be honored.
So, we are proud to make the announcement of our first inductee into the Coggin Toboggan Hall of Fame. With this honor, this individual will receive all rites and privileges that come along with it, including but not limited too 25% off of all Coggin Toboggan merchandise* and three retweets from our official Twitter account of his or her choice.
Ladies and gentleman, the first member of the Coggin Toboggan Hall of Fame….
Yeeeee ha!
Charlie Manuel, the Coggin Toboggan salutes you. Not only are you our favorite Phillies manager of all time, you finally got that elusive Wrestlemania moment to truly cap off a fantastic career.
Relive Manuel’s road to Wrestlemania right here, and see how he made it to the greatest victory of his life over his former friend Ric “Nature Boy” Flair the past Sunday.
Yeeeee ha!
Santa Clara, Calif. – Battered and bloodied, Charlie Manuel could only smile to himself as he raised a bottle of Coors Lite to the 90,000 screaming fans celebrating his victory of Ric Flair this past Sunday afternoon at Wrestlemania 31.
The former Philadelphia Phillies manager toasted the fans as he stood triumphantly on the top turnbuckle, Flair still laying motionless on the canvas below him after the 45-minute iron man match finally concluded after Manuel had slapped the Nature Boy’s patented Figure-Four leg lock on him for nearly 5 minutes.
“I told him Ol’ Cholly didn’t take kindly to being double crossed. Maybe Naitch will think twice next time before he decides to interfere in my business again,” Manuel said, blood pouring from a 3-inch gash across his left eyebrow.
Yeeeee ha!
Philadelphia, PA – Hoping to avenge his loss at Royal Rumble after longtime friend Ric Flair betrayed him and eliminated him in the titular match, former Phillies manager Charlie Manuel was able to coerce a last-second match with the Nature Boy in Sunday’s Wrestlemania 31.
Manuel appeared on two days ago on WWE’s Monday Night Raw, carrying a handcuffed Ashley Flair out to the middle of the ring. Taking up the house mic, Manuel pointed a baseball bat at Flair’s daughter, threatening to “send her brains all through this ring” if he didn’t appear and accept Manuel’s challenge.
“Naw, I don’t want to do it, Naitch, but you’ve left me no choice,” He said, taking up a stance and readying the bat at her head. “You come out here right now and lets talk about what I want…a Hell in the Cell match at Wrestlemania. You brought this on yourself, Ric, now get out here.”
Moments before the bat could come crashing down on Ashley’s skull, Flair’s patented theme music blared throughout the arena, and the Nature Boy strutted out through the curtain and came to the ring.
“Now, now just hold on a minute Charlie. Lets not do something you’ll regret later,” Flair said, as he addressed the longtime Phillies manager. “You know and I know that you don’t have the stones to do that to Ashley. You were at her christening, you’re her godfather, you wouldn’t do that to her. Stop embarrassing yourself out here.”
Wooooooooooo!
Manuel, seemingly defeated, slumped his shoulders and looked towards the mat. Perhaps buoyed by the chants of Charlie ringing out through the stands, the manager rose the bat and brought it down directly on Flair’s head, dropping the “dirtiest player in the game” into a heap.
Manuel circled Flair as he recovered and slapped the Nature Boy’s iconic Figure Four leg lock on his onetime best friend.
“Accept the match or I’ll break your damn legs!” He screamed, tightening the hold, finally forcing the Nature Boy to agree to the Hell in the Cell match at WWE’s biggest pay per view of the year.
“That’s what I like to hear, I’ll see you on Sunday you son of a bitch!” Manuel yelled, dropping the microphone, as he walked out of the arena to thunderous applause.
The two will headline the event after the world heavyweight title match this weekend.
Charlie Manuel, during happier times.
Philadelphia, PA – Following a stunning, 90-minute run as the iron man of the Royal Rumble, Charlie Manuel was poised for victory at the 28th annual event, but moments before he could dispatch the final competitor and capture the number one contender status for Wrestlemania, Ric Flair’s music blasted through the PA system at the Wells Fargo Center.
Holding Roman Reigns by the head, Manuel watched his longtime friend Ric Flair saunter out to ringside, who then reached out his hand for a seemingly congratulatory handshake. When he grabbed Manuel, he jumped backwards from ringside, dragging the former Phillies manager over the top rope, giving the victory to Reigns.
A visibly shaken Manuel could only watch from outside the ring as Flair celebrated with the new number one contender.
“I’m angrier than a pig in a poke, I’ll tell you something,” Manuel said, a cold Budweiser clutched in his gnarled hand as he recovered in the locker room.
Manuel had a brilliant run, setting the ring on fire as the number 5 entrant, clearing competitors with a black Mizuno baseball bat he carried into the match. Perhaps his greatest moment was the elimination of the Big Show, after he spat a stream of tobacco juice into the giant’s eyes, blinding him, before clotheslining him over the ring.
However, in the end it was all for naught.
When asked for comment on his betrayal, Flair just smiled and donned a pair of Ray Ban glasses.
“Ol’ Charlie knows what he did to deserve this…you don’t mess around with the jet flying, high styling Nature Boy and get away with it. WOOOOOO.”
Charlie Manuel, all fired up for his return to the squared circle at the 2015 Royal Rumble.
Philadelphia, PA – During a hastily called press release, former Philadelphia Phillies manager Charlie Manuel declared he would be an official entrant into the 2015 WWE Royal Rumble, scheduled to be held at the Wells Fargo Center on Sunday, Jan. 25.
The annual event features 30 WWE wrestlers competing in an “over the top rope” competition to determine the number 1 contender for the WWE Championship, currently being held by Brock Lesnar.
Manuel, a lifelong wrestling fan, declared the event as a real “hoot” and vowed to knock some skulls during his time in the squared circle.
“My good friend Ric Flair always told me, ‘To be the man, you have to beat the man,’ and I always took that to heart,” Manuel said while he lacing up his red and blue boots.
The feisty manager hopped into a nearby ring and began squaring off with local wrestler Necro Butcher, a member of the Philadelphia wrestling promotion CZW, which was featured in the popular 2008 movie “The Wrestler.”
“Don’t you go using any of that shit extreme wrestling on me, this is a gentleman’s sport,” Manuel said, seconds before throwing salt into the grizzled wrestlers eyes and dispatching him with a picture-perfect knife-edge chop to the delighted “WOOOOOOOSSSS!” of the reporters on hand.
“Old Bob Backlund taught me this one…watch out now son!” Manuel said, ducking a chair shot from the Butcher and slapping him in Backlund’s patented cross-faced chicken wing submission maneuver.
The Necro Butcher, moments before being taught a thing or two by Good Ol’ Cholly.
Manuel then grabbed a kendo stick – otherwise known as a Singapore Cane popularized by former ECW great The Sandman – from ringside and cracked the bamboo rod over Necro Butcher’s skull, easily putting him down for the three-count pin.
“That’s how you do it, you sum’bitch. Never let your guard down against old Cholly. I’m the dirtiest player in the game,” Manuel said, standing above the unconscious wrestler. He exited the ring, but not before sending a stream of tobacco juice into Necro Butcher’s face.
Manuel then pointed at a Wrestlemania 31, indicating his desire to be in the biggest wrestling event of the year.
This will not be the first appearance of a Philadelphia Phillies representative in the annual wrestling competition. Former Phillies GM Ed Wade was entrant number 15 in the 1998 Royal Rumble, wrestling in his decades old high school singlet. He was dispatched by Cactus Jack 30 seconds into his entry, receiving a steel chair shot to the dome and tumbling out of the ring.
The Coggin Toboggan 