Philadelphia Phillies

Editor’s note: A disaster of Ruben Amaro Jr. proportions

When The Coggin Toboggan wants to get serious it turns its coverage over to its editor and founder to bring everything to a screeching halt. Goodbye funny, say hello to self pity and depression.

Just several days into the greatest sports blog this city has ever seen we’ve ran into our first moral dilemma. i’ve been vomiting for hours and I can not stop crying. Not since “Sophie’s Choice” has anyone ever been at such a crossroads in their life. I’ve been punching holes in just about all of my house’s walls for hours now, but I’m still at a loss for what to do.

Please, before I reveal this horrid development, forcefully remove any child reading this from his/her computer and lock them in the basement with an orange for the next 45 minutes, this is adult business and I don’t want them to see their guardian weeping openly at their computer.

David Coggin, the man (the myth, the legend) this blog was founded on, has blocked me on Twitter.

Let me repeat that….DAVID COGGIN…the greatest pitcher the Phillies have seen in the last century….blocked the founder of this blog on Twitter.

The evidence:

It’s too painful. Was it the toboggan references? Depicting you as a gun toting alcoholic, carrying a grudge against Philadelphia? Were you working on a blog of your own and didn’t want to compete with a superior, already established site? DAVID YOU OWE ME THIS MUCH…JUST LET ME KNOW.

We shall plug on. We didn’t found ourselves on the man himself, but for what he stood for…moderately amusing observations and a gigantic waste of time.

Obscure Philadelphia athlete of the week: Rob Ducey

Rob Ducey reflecting on happier times, like when he wasn’t playing for the Phillies in the late 90s.

Rob Ducey! Phillies outfielder for three partial seasons from 1999 to 2001! Played 246 games for the Fightins and hit an IMPRESSIVE 15 home runs. He did, however, reach his career high in RBI for a season with 33 in 1999 with the Phillies, so that’s something he can always remember and look back on fondly.

Now, my memory isn’t what it used to be, but with an athlete of Rob’s caliber playing for the organization for three seasons, they must have been fairly good. Oh wait, they were 228-258 over that time period. They SUCKED and he SUCKED. God those late 90s Phillies teams were just wastelands for talent to go and die. When Rico Brogna and Wayne Gomes are the highlights of your roster, just call an end to your franchise, because you really have no hope.

Rob Ducey fun facts:

– Once sprained his wrist filling out thousands of all star ballots in his favor. Was placed on the DL for two months and none of the votes were registered as his wife threw them away in the garbage when she didn’t want to taint the exhibition game with his shit.

– Accidentally knocked over Whitey Ashburn’s casket at his memorial service. Blamed his son, who is still banned from the city of Philadelphia.

– Is rumored to have used a bat infused with the essence of a thousand orphan souls.

– As a prospect, his rating was downgraded for his habit of running to third base out of the batter’s box. Blamed it on the Coriolis effect, which made no sense.

– Traded to Toronto in 2000 by Ed Wade for a lifetime membership to Golds Gym. Wade used the membership three times. mes since.

One man, a toboggan, and a harbinger of doom

Welcome to the newest blog on the Philadelphia sports scene, The Coggin Toboggan. Here at the CT, we vow to uphold the traditions upon which this site was founded.

Almost 15 years ago a right-handed pitcher found his way to the Philadelphia Phillies main roster, called up in June of 2000, making his major league debut on June 23. He’d start in five games that year for a team that would finish 65-97, but he showed something to the roster, going UNDEFEATED with a sterling 2-0 record and a 5.33 ERA.

Sure, David Coggin didn’t have the brilliance of an all-star pitcher or the handsome good looks of a young Otis Nixon. Sure, he would only appear in 55 more big league games over the course of two more lackluster seasons before retiring from the game he loved so dear…but ask anyone on those squads for a word or two on Coggin, and the majority will say, “Who?” And yes, the only remaining story worth telling about David Coggin was when a teammate tricked him into thinking the home games were played in Camden, New Jersey, and he cried for two hours straight until Terry Francona told him to shut the fuck up.

But do you know what David had over those three stellar years nobody else had? Something that nobody on those rosters could take away from him? A funny last name that could be rhymed with toboggan.

Fifteen years ago, while just a teen, my group of friends and I decided to attend a Phillies game with a toboggan and the greatest fan group of all was born. Coggin’s Tobaggon.

Oh what glorious plans did we have to honor our hero. After each and every strikeout registered from our hero, a ceremonious ride down one of the stairways at Veteran’s Stadium was to be performed by one of the members of the group…safety and brain cells be damned.

We never did make it to a game. The logistics of carrying a toboggan into the Vet and the threat of plummeting from the outfield stands onto the turf to our death proved too much. As quickly as it had been born, Coggin’s Tobaggon suffered a bittersweet death.

But the name hasn’t left my head in all these years. It has been resurrected in the form of a blog dedicated on bringing Philadelphia the finest in whiskey drenched sports musings.

So lets have some laughs, watch as our beloved Philadelphia teams struggle to succeed, and always remember what David Coggin said to a group of Philadelphia reporters the day he was released.

“I’ll be back in 15 years and you’re ALL GOING TO DIE” (reportedly said while firing a shotgun into a crowd and holding a bottle of Jack Daniels) *

*Most likely did not happen