Olympics

BREAKING: Dario Saric’s mustache diagnosed with Zika virus

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Saric in better times.

Rio de Janeiro, Brazil – Tragedy has struck the 2016 Olympic games as word of the first athlete contracting the Zika virus broke this morning. Unfortunately, it has a local connection.

Dario Saric, a forward for the Croatian national basketball team, was sent home after physicians diagnosed his pencil thin mustache with the Zika virus after the young athlete expressed concerns over its appearance to team officials.

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I guess Steph Curry doesn’t love America? But I do, and I’ll play

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Best basketball player in the world, or America’s greatest traitor?

Steph Curry recently announced he would not be participating in the upcoming Olympic games due to his various injuries and for his apparent hatred of America. I’m sure if MOTHER RUSSIA knocked on Steph’s door and offered him a hammer and sickle he’d jump at the opportunity to play.

Well guess what Steph? When Lady Liberty comes a calling, you’d better be ready to accept the charges and put aside your little dings and maladies to give it all for the red, the white, and the blue.

Dos vedanya comrade, don’t let your bottle of vodka┬áhit your ass on the way out.

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