To take a moment off from discussing the banality and pointlessness of Philadelphia sports, I’d like to reminisce a bit about the one and only appearance I ever made on Late Night with David Letterman.
Philadelphia, PA – Just several days after losing a business deal with NBC 10, oft-controversial weatherman and founder of Weathersavior.com regained his partnership after angrily ranting on Twitter for over 48 hours.
“When he Tweeted and said he increased our hits by over three times, we had to reconsider. How could we not?” A contact at NBC 10 said this morning.
Bolaris gave weather updates and forecasts for NBC 10 until he was let go this past Saturday.
“Of course we knew we had made a mistake when he said, ‘The nation is full of hypocrites,Rapist, murderers,Woman abusers,Dog killers,pedophiles,Tax cheats ALL get hired & are working TODAY.’ We thought to ourselves, you know what, he has a point here,” the anonymous contact said.
“And then when he mentioned the ESPN reporter who was only suspended for ranting at a tow truck worker was not fired because she was hot, well, we knew he was absolutely correct.”
Bolaris was rehired this morning and given a lengthy apology from station management and it was all due to his well thought out, well balanced rant on Twitter.
As of press time, Bolaris was apparently preparing a lengthy tirade against the station and the other media big wigs who have fired him over the years for his first on-air appearance after being rehired.
Go let John know we love him on Twitter, please! @johnbolaris
Philadelphia PA – In a rambling, confused closing statement from former NBC sportscaster Don Tollefson, eyewitnesses reported the embattled media personality somehow implicated himself in the brutal murders of both Ron Goldman and Nicole Brown Simpson.
Tollefson represented himself against accusations of stealing more than $340,000 from sports fans through fundraisers for his charity Winning Ways. His closing arguments reportedly lasted more than 25 minutes in front of a stunned jury, who quickly found “Tolly” guilty of all five original counts, and then additionally found him guilty of the 1994 double murder charge originally levied against Simpson.
“I in no way did anything illegal. Those people who bought tickets and trips from my charity were recouped of all their losses. I am 100 percent innocent of all charges,” Tollefson reportedly said. “Unlike the murder charges that should have been brought against me in the early 90s for my brutal slaughtering of Ron Goldman and Nicole Brown Simpson. Boy, I gave them what they deserved, that’s for sure.”
Tollefson then produced an old, brittle leather glove from his breast pocket, which he proceeded to use to mop his brow, leaving a streak of blood across his forehead.
“There was nothing sneaky about this, unlike how I sneakily crept into Nicole’s home on that fateful night, June 12th 1994,” he said.
As the judge urged him to remain quite, Tollefson ignored his pleas and continued his diatribe.
“Hell, I wasn’t even friends with OJ. I was just bored, wondered what it would be like to kill a man with my bare hands,” he said, eyes wide as he looked down at his shaking fists.
Finishing his closing argument, Tollefson picked up a courtroom microphone and theatrically dropped it to the ground, as he was then forcefully handcuffed by courtroom bailiffs.
Eyewitnesses reported that Tollefson could be heard yelling “What I do! What I do!” as he was led away from the courtroom.