Dikembe Mutombo

Sam Hinkie concocts Ocean’s Eleven-esque caper to win NBA draft lottery

Hinkie glasses

(For best effect, please listen to the song at the end of the article.)

Philadelphia, PA – 76ers GM Sam Hinkie, along with 10 other Philadelphia basketball legends, left for Brooklyn this morning in five non-descript black SUVs, having spent the past several weeks concocting a plan to assure the 76ers win the NBA draft lottery this evening.

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Alonzo Mourning confirms ‘who wants to sex Mutombo’ anecdote: “He did fuck me”

A reflective, wonderful memory shared this morning by Alonzo Mourning.

A reflective, wonderful memory shared this morning by Alonzo Mourning.

In a taped segment of Highly Questionable, hosted by Dan LeBetard, former Miami Heat center Alonzo Mourning confirmed the infamous Dikembe Mutombo “Who wants to sex Mutombo” anecdote that the famed NBA center denied happened last year.

As the story goes, when attending Georgetown University during his college days, Dikembe Mutombo burst into a club and loudly proclaimed to the throngs of co-eds, “Who wants to sex Mutombo?” The story spread throughout the country and was a popular urban legend, until Mutombo himself proclaimed last year that it never happened.

But today, Alonzo Mourning said, yes, it absolutely 100% took place when the two were at Georgetown.

“Oh I can confirm that it did happen. Absolutely. I can prove it because it was me that Mutombo took back into an empty room at that club and made sweet, sweet love to,” he said, live on air this morning. “He did fuck me. I hesitate to be crass, because it was a wonderful, touching moment between two men, but he did indeed fuck me and he did indeed coerce me into bed with that charming saying.”

Stunned by the revelation, LeBetard failed to ask Mourning a follow up question.

A very tender lover.

A very tender lover.

Mourning described the moment as “touching and tender” and applauded Dikembe for guiding him through the erotic man on man moment.

“He taught me everything I know today as a lover. I can still feel his breath on my neck,” Mourning said, a wistful look in his eyes.

Mourning expressed no regrets at the moment, but did say he was disappointed that Mutombo never called him after that night.

OBSCURE PHILADELPHIA ATHLETE OF THE WEEK: Corie Blount

Corie Blount! Philadelphia 76ers power forward from 2001-2002. Larry Brown knew he needed one more cog to push the 76ers over the hump after bowing out in the 2001 championship round against the Lakers, but my-oh-my Corie Blount was not that cog. The 33-year-old waste of space had one and only move whenever his stone hands actually caught a pass, a blind, horrible turnaround jump shot that usually found itself bouncing off the skull of a fan in the fifth row of the First Union Center.

Blount appeared in 72 for the Sixers (somehow starting 21 of them) for the defending Eastern conference champions and did not dazzle. He averaged 6.5 points a game and less than a block a game, but to his credit he did average about 9 rebounds a game, most of them quickly followed up by a turnaround jump shot off the top of the backboard or an errant pass clanging off the scoreboard of the First Union Center.

Blount did lead the team in one key category….most times being called a “Waste of space hack” by Allen Iverson, averaging about 6.3 times per game.

Corie Blount Fun Facts:

– Blount was sentenced to one year in an Ohio prison in 2009 for marijuana possession. He did not see the irony in his arrest which cost him serious votes in the “High Times” Man of the Year award.

– Shoved into a locker by Dikembe Mutombo after every single home game.

– Unsuccessfully tried to get his teammates to call him and Iverson by the dual nickname, “The Answer and the Question.” Was shot down by Aaron McKie after he reportedly said, “The only question I can think of is why you’re still on this team.”

– Lost to a 14-year-old fan in a halftime “Layup, free throw, three point shot” contest. Was stuck on the free throw portion for 25 shots.

– Attended one of Pat Croce’s pirate ship dive excursions during the all-star break. Was left in the middle of the Pacific Ocean after Croce “forgot” he was still underwater. Made it back to the team for the start of the second half of the season, to the disappointment of everyone.